Favors
by Polarchica516
Summary: Begins after Dawn has found Buffy in "Bargaining". Except the five months that Buffy has been dead went very differently and Buffy's resurrection has an unexpected consequence.
1. Intro: Everyone Needed You

Title: Favors

Rating: T (for now)

Pairing: B/S

Summary: Begins after Dawn has found Buffy in "Bargaining". Except the five months that Buffy has been dead, went very differently and Buffy's resurrection has an unexpected consequence.

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy. Joss Whedon and Jane Espenson are my heroes.

A/N: Please review. I love the feedback and it makes me write faster :)

**Chapter One (Intro): Everyone Needed You**

Buffy Summers was buttoning up the white cotton shirt with trembling fingers. Her bloodied and bruised knuckles made her eyes well up with tears. It was all bleeding together before. She had woken up in a box somewhere she didn't know. Adrenaline had been coursing throughout her system until moments ago. Survival instinct was all she had been running on and now her head was buzzing and everything felt foggy.

Fire.

Chaos.

She swore she had seen herself torn limb from limb.

Bile rose in her throat and she closed her eyes. She felt more suffocated here then in the coffin. Everything was too loud, too bright-even in the darkness of her room. When Buffy opened her eyes she was looking at the pictures of her friends hanging on the mirror.

Then it all came into focus. The buzzing had stopped and her chest felt heavy with the devastating realization-

Her friends had bought her back.

She couldn't get back to Heaven.

The room exploded with light when Dawn had turned it on as she entered the room. Buffy flinched and Dawn apologized quickly. She saw her sister staring at the pictures.

"Do you remember who they are? They're your friends and I'm your sister," Dawn said gently.

Buffy knew she wasn't. The spell the Monks had cast had been reversed when she died. The only memories she had of Dawn were the real ones.

"Everything is still kind of-"

"Fuzzy," Dawn finished for her. She took a tentative step forward. Buffy remembered Dawn's face when she found her. Even as the young girl had brought her home, washed, and clothed her the same expression was on her face. Shock. She hadn't known.

"Dawnie," Buffy said warmly.

Dawn flung herself at Buffy sobbing. Buffy hugged her back, touched by the girl's emotional reaction. "I should have died instead of you," she whispered into Buffy's chest. "I'm so sorry. I missed you and everyone needed you. It should have been me."

_Everyone needed you._

Buffy's stomach felt like it was in knots. Dawn and her both jumped with they heard the front door open. Buffy stiffened against Dawn who smiled at her. "It's OK," she said. "It's probably Spike."

Buffy saw Spike's eyes when he told her he loved her. "He stayed," Buffy said in realization. Like she had asked him to for Dawn.

"Ever since he got back, he's been helping out. He's probably so mad at me right now."

"Back?"

Dawn's eye lit up with excitement. "Buffy, Spike has a soul now."

Let me know what you think. Chapter two will be much longer :)


	2. Somewhere Better Than Here

**First of all, thank you for all the reviews and people that favorited and/or added this story to their alerts. I always appreciate it. Hope y'all enjoy the new chapter. I should have a new one up next week. I'm trying to catch up on some of my Roswell fanfics before I get terribly behind.**

**Chapter Two: Somewhere Better Than Here**

Buffy must have looked so dazed by Dawn's announcement that Dawn misread it as hesitation to see Spike. "I'll be right back," she said. "I'll tell him you aren't ready."

Dawn followed Spike's roaring voice to the foot of the stairs. She wondered if Buffy would recognize Spike now. His hair was brown now, a gesture that everyone had noticed but never really talked about. She knew Spike was different-_good_ but she also knew he was sad. Maybe Buffy being back would help, she hoped.

"Lil' Bit, I should rip your bloody throat out!"

"Spike-" Dawn tried to begin. But Spike continued to yell, ignoring Dawn's growing smile. Until he heard someone moving around upstairs. He stiffened and narrowed his eyes.

"Who's here?"

Dawn's eyes welled with tears. She wanted to say the words but they got stuck in her throat. She saw Spike's gaze go behind her and he cocked his head as if he were looking at an apparition. His blue eyes softened and a an expression of utter awe came across his face. Dawn turned to see Buffy staring back at him, an unreadable look on her face.

"Dawn, what did you do?" Spike breathed out.

"I found her at the tower. I think...I think Willow is behind this."

Buffy came to stand next to Dawn. "You dyed your hair," she said to Spike.

Her voice caused his eyes to well up with tears. "I did, love."

"I told her," Dawn said proudly. "What you did."

Spike averted his gaze, looking almost embarrassed. He saw her knuckles and rage began to pit in his stomach. Buffy saw this and put her hands behind her back.

"I had do that too," Spike said to comfort her.

"They left me there," Buffy stated. She tried to swallow her anger. Spike took a step forward and he braced himself for her to recoil.

She didn't.

"Dawn, get the first aid kit, eh?"

Dawn stared at Buffy, confused. "Buffy, you had to...?"

Buffy wouldn't look at her. "Dawnie," she warned.

"I'll be back," Dawn whispered sadly. She returned with the kit quickly and handed it to Spike. "I'm going to try to reach Willow."

She sprinted upstairs to give the two some time alone. Spike guided Buffy to the living room, placing the first aid kit on the table. Spike sat on the couch and was surprised when Buffy sat next to him. He looked at her incredulously, her warmth pressing into his side before she rotated to face him. When he held his hand out to grab hers, he was shaking. Her eyes met his and she frowned deeply.

"You really didn't know," she sighed.

"Buffy, I know to the _second_ how long you've been gone. If I had known, I wouldn't have let you dig your way out-alone-I swear."

Buffy bit her lip. She felt his hand holding hers and it was the most grounded she had felt since her resurrection. She remembered she was supposed to hate Spike but right now she didn't care. The way he looked at her was unlike anything she had ever seen and made her feel a way she had never felt. Even if she wasn't sure what that feeling was.

He loved her. Not _thought_ he loved her. The truth was that Spike had always looked at her like that even before he had a soul.

"Why did you get your soul back?" she asked directly.

"Wanted to be good for Lil' Bit, love," he replied.

"Spike," she began. "I'm sorry. I said you were beneath me. Honestly I only said that to hurt you and I don't even know why I wanted that. You protected Dawn and me. You were there when my mother died. I mean you did build a sex robot of me and all but-"

"Love, what are you trying to say?"

"You didn't need to change."

Spike didn't reply. He looked down and disinfected her knuckles, avoiding her gaze. If Spike had a beating heart he was sure Buffy could hear it through his chest. "Why aren't you happy to be back?"

She pulled her hands away. "I am," she lied.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Slayer, I know you. You're lying to me. I get lying to Dawn to protect her but not to me."

She could have told him it was shock and she was adjusting. Instead she told him the truth.

"I was somewhere better than here, Spike. I was finally at peace," she choked out.

"How long was it for you?" he whispered.

"How long was I gone?"

"Five months."

"Oh," Buffy sighed. "Longer. A lot longer."

"They thought you were in a hell dimension," he informed her.

Her eyes searched his. "What did you think?"

"I'm not sure where Slayers go when they meet their end. Hell didn't seem right for you. You deserved better," he answered honestly. "You seem different."

"Being here seems like it was forever ago. I remember all of it but I've had a lot of time to think about it. What I've done wrong,mostly. I don't think I could have loved anyone. I made you think-Riley too-that it was your faults. But it was me. I just want a fresh start with you, Spike. At least to owe you for what you've done for Dawn."

Spike smiled crookedly at her. "Fresh start sounds good."

"Spike, I don't think I can face them," she confessed. "Being here is...it feels like hell."

A dark look crossed Spike's face. "You have to try your best, Buffy. Some things don't get easier."

Buffy almost laughed. "That's the honest answer, isn't it?"

Spike smirked. "Oh well if you want the candy coated version..."

At that moment, Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya came into the house. Spike saw Buffy's whole demeanor change, as if she were readying for a fight. Tara was frantically yelling at Willow.

"You never told me how dark that spell was, Wil! How did you get that much power? Are you seeing Rack again?"

"Look, we need to find Buffy before-"

The quartet froze when they saw a much calmer Buffy sitting on the couch. Anya smiled triumphantly, pointing at Buffy. "Found her," she announced.


	3. But I Died

**Chapter Three: But I Died**

Spike rose from the couch to stand in front of Buffy protectively, blocking her from her friends' view. Dawn had raced downstairs to see the tense standoff and didn't look too happy herself.

"How could you hide this from me?" she asked, hurt. "What did you guys do?"

Willow seemed taken aback by her reaction. "Dawn, we _saved _her."

"With magic," Dawn said flatly. "Did you forget what happened when I tried to bring my mom back?"

"I knew what I was doing. That's the difference," Willow sneered. Dawn stepped closer to her, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Seems to me when you know what you're doing, you tend to almost kill someone. You shouldn't have taken that chance with my sister."

Tara stepped between the two of them, glaring at Willow before pulling Dawn away from her. Dawn came to stand next to Spike while Xander was trying to keep Willow calm.

Buffy watched the interaction in confusion. She stood up to regard her friends.

"Buffy, are you alright?" Xander asked softly.

"No," Buffy said dully. "Dawn found me about to jump off the tower again. If it weren't for her I'd be dead-again."

"You left her in her grave," Dawn screamed at them. "She had to claw her way out and when I found her she didn't know where she was or-"

Spike could see Dawn was beginning to explode. He grabbed her elbow gently and tried to give her an assuring smile. "Nibblet, why don't you wait upstairs. Let big sis' suss this out with her mates first."

Buffy gave her sister a small nod and watched as Dawn stomped upstairs.

"Buffy, I'm sorry. There was a demon attack. We thought the spell didn't even work," Tara stuttered.

"Ok," Buffy said.

Xander stepped towards her but stopped at the almost predatory look in Spike's eyes. "Buffy, you're home," he whispered. "You're here."

Buffy could feel how much her friends had missed her. She was trying to not be angry or conflicted about whether or not she should tell them the truth. Xander looked so happy to see her that it was making Buffy's heart hurt.

Anya smiled at her widely. "We need to get you a dress for the wedding. I'm engaged. To Xander," and she held up her ring finger.

Buffy actually half smiled at the over zealous ex vengeance demon. "Congratulations."

"Why didn't you tell _me_?" Spike growled at them.

Anya looked confused. "But you've known about the wedding-"

Xander shook his head at her and her eyes widened in realization. "Oh, that," she said slowly.

"Red?" Spike prodded Willow. "Thought it might go wrong, did you? Knew I wouldn't let you kill her if it had?"

"No," Xander said. "We just didn't want to get you and Dawn's hopes up."

Spike could tell he was being sincere but Willow was meeting his stare evenly. She wasn't defending herself.

"I asked Willow."

Willow stammered, "Look-"

Tara and Xander looked at her, betrayed. It was true. Willow turned to them, pleading with them. "But it worked, didn't it?"

"Where's Giles?" Buffy asked suddenly. Her heart ached for her Watcher in that moment.

Everyone averted her gaze until Spike said, "He's in England, love."

"He…left?" she choked out, hurt.

"Don't worry," Anya said. "It wasn't your fault. It was Willow's."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at her red headed friend. "What happened?"

"Look," Willow said. "I'll get him to come back. I promise."

Buffy held up a hand. "Clearly, I missed a lot but right now I'm tired. Can we just pick this up tomorrow?"

Spike moved aside and Xander came forward to hug Buffy. Anya jumped in for good measure. When they realized her, Tara was already on her way up the stairs while Willow watched her with a faraway look on her face. When she looked at Buffy, she looked genuinely pained.

"I'm sorry about leaving you there," she whispered before going after Tara. Buffy watched as Xander and Anya left as well.

Spike frowned. "I'll be on my way too, Slayer."

"You don't have to."

Dawn had come back downstairs, going over the pair. "I'm sorry I lost it," she said to Buffy. "But Willow-"

Buffy sat down and rubbed her eyes. "Tell me what happened. All of it."

Dawn scowled. "Willow bought Amy back from being a rat. Willow was already using magic a lot. Without a slayer here, well a real one-she was the only one with powers. The BuffyBot was just a front. Anyway, Amy got this guy named Rack to give Willow dark magic and she got….hooked. Tara made her promise to stop and stop seeing Amy."

"I was gone," Spike said regretfully. "I got back right before the accident. Willow took Dawn with her to see Rack one night. Guess the bird was getting juiced behind our backs. Nibblet was in the hospital for a week in a coma because Willow thought she could drive with magic and not her hands."

Buffy saw red. "What?"

Dawn looked just as angry. "Giles tried to bind Willow's powers because she was out of control without telling her. But after the accident, Willow got worse and-"

Dawn looked to Spike as if asking if she should continue. Maybe this was too much for one night.

"Love," Spike continued for Dawn. "Willow was too juiced to see straight and she almost killed Giles while he was doing the spell."

"Why would they even let her do the spell?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"Doesn't sound like she was forthright with her pals about the spell. We thought she was doing better, love. Sometimes we needed magic to battle the bumps in the night. We thought the problem was the dark magic."

"But it's all magic," Dawn stated. "Xander and Tara are still…I don't know but I see it. So does Spike."

Buffy looked worried for moment. "Are we sure that I came back…..correctly?"

"Slayer I don't care if you came back deaf, dumb, and blind-it's better than the other option," Spike vowed. His words did comfort Buffy and she seemed to relax for a brief moment.

"I'm going to bed," Dawn announced. Once she was out of earshot, Buffy turned to Spike.

"How do I tell them?"

"When you're good and ready to," he said. Buffy didn't want Spike to leave. The thought of being alone right now….

"I can't do this," she blurted out. Her breath started to come in a small spurts as she neared a panic attack. The sobs she tried to gulp back escaped her lips and tears filled her eyes. This was all wrong, she kept thinking. I'm not supposed to be here. Willow is bad, Giles is gone, and Spike-

Spike was suddenly holding her tightly. She buried her face in his neck and she felt Spike finger the ends of her hair tentatively. He was tense so Buffy pulled away slightly and whispered, "It's ok."

Spike relaxed as she gave him permission to touch her like this. He mumbled against her hair, "You're the Slayer."

"But I died," Buffy moaned.

"Well that's the rub, isn't it?" Spike said as he pulled away from her slightly to look at her. "You thought you were done. Now you're here."

With me, Spike thought. Buffy nodded and wiped her tears away. She moved out of the embrace, wrapping her arms around herself and Spike immediately missed her warmth. Her green eyes were dark with muddled emotions.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" she asked in a small voice.

Spike reached out to grab her hand gently. "Of course."


	4. Punch Me

**Chapter Four: I Need You To Punch Me**

Three days had passed since the night Buffy had returned home. Buffy either felt as though no time had passed at all or the time had stretched over decades. The hardest part was not being to tell her friends the truth. Everyday they seemed so happy to have her back that she felt guilty but when the anger washed over her, that was hard to control as well. She desperately wanted not to blame them, as they didn't know what they had done but the small voice in her head couldn't forgive how selfish their decision had been. Yes they had missed her, she wasn't going to take that away from them but had they _needed_ her?

Dawn had told Buffy that Giles was arranging to come back to Sunnydale. She said she could hear Giles cleaning his glasses over the phone. Tara had moved out and according to Dawn this wasn't the first time she had either. Willow had barricaded herself in her room when she wasn't going to class. Xander was still angry with her for lying to him about the spell and it was obvious that Dawn and Willow were barely speaking even before Buffy's return.

Xander and Anya had come over everyday to check on Buffy. Usually that meant Anya dumping a lot of wedding plans on her at one time, including being a maid of honor. They never really talked about Willow but Giles said they'd address it formally when he arrived. So they bit their tongues for now and tried not to upset Willow for the time being.

The nights were the hardest for Buffy. Like tonight when Buffy woke up in a cold sweat as usual. She turned to her side to see Spike staring at her worriedly. "Nightmare, love?"

Spike snuck into her bedroom every night to sleep with her. It was the only time either of them felt any peace and quiet from their thoughts. Spike propped himself up on his elbow, the other arm reached out to pull her small shaking form towards him. She curled into him and he tried his hardest not to purr contently.

"I was in the coffin again," she whispered.

Spike rocked her, his eyes transfixed on her fist clenching his t-shirt tightly like a life line. He was worried about her. Dawn said she stayed in the house during the day and hadn't even asked about slaying at night. Spike was pretty sure she had maybe one meal since she had returned. But now looking at her still scabbing hand wounds he grew even more concerned.

"Your hands still haven't healed."

"So?" Buffy mumbled into his chest.

"No," he said pushing her back a bit. "You're the Slayer. They should be healed by now."

Buffy froze in realization. "But I broke out of the coffin. Fought those biker demons before I went to the tower," she began to reason.

"Adrenaline?" Spike mused. He got out of the bed, standing up right and motioned for Buffy to do the same. "I need you to punch me."

Buffy looked hesitant for a moment and Spike couldn't help but notice the small tank top and shorts she wore to bed. He wasn't paying much attention when she punched him solidly on the left cheek.

"That's for gawking at my boobs," she growled. Spike wanted to laugh, cock his eyebrow and reply with some kind of inappropriate remark. Instead he was frowning deeply. Buffy saw his expression and sunk back onto the bed. "I came back wrong."

"No, I think you just came back normal."

He was waiting for her reaction. She wasn't angry or disappointed.

"I don't remember Dawn," she said. "You can't tell anyone but the memories the monks gave me are gone. I think maybe when I died everything got reversed."

Spike sat next to her, confused. "We never got a new Slayer."

"That doesn't mean a new one wasn't called. I mean, Giles isn't a Watcher anymore. They wouldn't have told him anything I think."

Spike watched Buffy flex her hand, wincing slightly when she balled her fists. "Buffy, do you want to be the Slayer?" he asked candidly.

Buffy thought for a moment then said, "Xander is getting married, Spike."

"I know that but-"

"I want the people I love to be safe. As much as I want to protect them, I want them to be safe and the truth is they'd be safer if I wasn't a Slayer. Demons come after me. They fight demons because of me. Even Willow started magic because of me. Spike, I want to see Dawn get married too. Slayers don't live long lives. When I jumped into that portal, I was ready. I was _done_ with the violence and the pain. I'm even more done with it now," she admitted. "I want normal."

Spike made a pained expression that Buffy noticed immediately. "Normal, eh?"

"As normal as I can get. Present company excluded."

Her words echoed in head. "I still love you," he said bluntly, his eyes searching words to gauge her reaction. She didn't look surprised and her eyes softened.

"You got a soul for me," she said just as bluntly. He didn't deny it. "This means something, Spike. I just don't know what that means yet."

"But it does mean something?" he asked, seeking assurance. "Doesn't matter to me if you're a slayer or not. I can't say I'll miss you punching me around."

"Yes you will," she teased. "But no more punching you around. Unless you want me too."

He loved to see her smile and joke with him. She was so quiet around her friends and while she wasn't back to herself completely he could see glimpses of her starting to come out again.

"None of that, love," he said. He cupped her shoulders and laid her down. Her eyes never left his. Buffy had never trusted him before and to have her trust him now meant the world to him. He watched her fall asleep again.

If Buffy wasn't a Slayer anymore then that put them back to square one again. Truth was, without her strength she may be less safe than she thought now. He needed to protect her and Dawn. They needed a slayer in Sunnydale before word got out that they were without one again.

He slipped out of bed and called the last person he thought he'd be calling for help.

The next morning, Xander entered the Summers' residence nervously. He was avoiding Willow but Buffy had called him to tell him important news. He was also hiding Tara at his place until she and Willow worked their problems out.

He heard Buffy and Spike talking in the kitchen and followed their voices.

"You shouldn't have done that behind my back," she was saying to him. Xander was surprised. They ever hardly got anything other than a stoic response from Buffy the last couple days.

"We need her here. Can't let anything happen to you or the Nibblet," Spike argued.

Xander came into the kitchen clearing his throat. "Spike's here."

"Spike is hungry," he scowled. Spike put a mug of blood in the microwave.

Xander alternated glances between the two of them with curiosity. "You two sound like a married couple. It's weird, please stop," he said laughing. Buffy noted that he didn't sound disgusted or upset. He was marrying an ex-vengeance demon after all. "So what's the big news? Let me guess. You're a zombie?"

Buffy actually cracked a smile before looking very solemn. "I'm not a Slayer anymore."

Xander looked confused. "Like…you quit?"

"No, I lost my powers when I died. That's the running theory," she filled him in. "Spike here took the liberties of asking Angel to break Faith out of jail so she can baby sit Sunnydale for us."

Xander bristled. "What? Faith? And Anya in the same city? Are you trying to get me killed? I vote for a new slayer."

Spike shook his head. "She'll be young and inexperienced."

"I remember Buffy handling it just fine when she was all young and inexperienced," Xander argued. "We don't trust Faith. Last time she was here she stole Buffy's body!"

Spike's eyes widened. "That makes a lot more sense now. I think I may have ran into her when that happened."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Unless that was you telling you were going to ride me until-"

Buffy turned bright red and put her hand over Spike's mouth. Spike laughed behind her hand but Buffy didn't look like she was amused.

"Sounds like Faith," Xander mumbled

"Angel said she's all on the road to redemption and blah blah blah…" Buffy chided. "We can meet them halfway between here and LA tonight and bring her back."

"You can't seriously be OK with this," he said to Buffy.

Buffy sighed. "What I'm not OK with is not having anyone here to protect us. Or the hell mouth. Angel said we can trust her-"

"My other favorite person," Xander deadpanned.

"We might need some muscle around here in case things get out of hand," Spike said giving Xander a pointed look. Xander frowned before pointing upstairs.

"Is she here?" he asked.

"Came in last night awful late," Spike said. "Like before. Might be using again."

Xander pinched the bridge of his nose. "Same symptoms? Out all night and sleeping all day?"

"Giles will be here soon, mate," Spike offered. "Suss all this out then. Don't want anyone getting hurt by doing this incorrectly."

Xander didn't argue. "Buffy, if you think bringing Faith here is a good idea then I support it. If being all normal girl is what you want then I'm on board too. I can open jars for you now. Manly things."

"I think I can handle jars," Buffy said with an eye roll.

Xander glanced at his watch then looked panicked. "I'm going to be late. Buffy if you're up to it Anya has a dress fitting tomorrow night for all the brides maids. Her cousin is nocturnal something demon. Tux fittings are the same night, Spike."

Buffy looked shocked for a moment. "Spike is in the wedding?"

"Best man," Spike said almost proudly.

"Only man friend," Xander corrected. "For the record, I did notice that you noticed Willow came in late last night. Which means you were here late last night."

Buffy looked embarrassed. "Xan-"

He held up a hand. "Don't worry about it. I'm just happy Spike isn't pouting all the time anymore."

"I'm not the Poofter," Spike growled. "I don't pout."

"I'm fine if you're fine," Xander said to Buffy. "Really."

Buffy watched him rush out the house then turned to Spike. "Did I just enter an alternate universe where you and Xander get along?"

"Stranger things have happened."


	5. There Has To Be Consequences

**Chapter Five: There Has To Be Consequences**

Buffy seemed mesmerized as she stared out the car window while Spike drove. This was her first time outside of the house since that night she was resurrected. The haze of confusion from that night was gone and it felt like she hadn't seen the world in an entire lifetime. On top of that she was heading to see Faith and Angel. She hadn't seen Faith since following her to LA after the bodyswap and honestly, she had been avoiding Angel's phone calls all together. She took a deep sigh and, agitated, turned to Spike with a tight lipped scowl.

"Why did you call Angel? Since when do the two of you have anything resembling a civil relationship?"

Spike's jaw clenched. "He helped me with something a while back."

"Oh," Buffy said. "He helped you get your soul."

Spike just nodded. Buffy held her tongue. She did have questions for him but now wasn't the time.

"This Faith bird," he changed the subject. "The Scoobies really don't like her."

"Faith is _complicated_. She's pretty much burned all of us," Buffy tried to explain. "She's dangerous."

"Slayers are supposed to be dangerous. She's not the first one to do what she did and she won't be the last. The ideal Slayer is alone, usually orphans. A Slayer is nothing but death and power, Buffy."

"I'm alone," Buffy said weakly.

"No, love—you _feel_ alone. You have a sister and friends who know who you are. Not to mention, two vampires giving you a hand. Normal Slayers die and don't get brought back because no one ever notices they're gone. You're the exception, Buffy. Not her."

"So now you're defending her?" Buffy snipped.

Spike laughed. "Not at all, pet. You get a pass because you were a Slayer and that makes you different than most people. Stronger and all that….doesn't make you better though."

"I don't think—"

"I've seen high and mighty Buffy more times than not. Can't imagine how many times you've given this girl the same."

Buffy wanted to argue with him but instead sunk into the seat, her eyes dragging to the window again. "Dawn told me Angel didn't come to my funeral. I know it's stupid but I can't say that didn't hurt."

Spike bristled. "I would love to see you mad at tall, dark, and forehead but when I saw him he looked pretty torn up. Don't want you thinking no one cared, love. But like I said feel free to hate him forever."

He thought she'd laugh or at least roll her eyes at him. Instead she continued to look out the window. Spike was worried about her. He knew she needed time but she looked like she hadn't eaten or fully slept in a while. She was better with him and he took that fact with a certain amount of pride. But it didn't change the fact that she wasn't herself yet.

"There it is," Buffy said tiredly. He saw the hotel sign flashing in the dark night before pulling into the parking lot. He went to turn to Buffy—to ask her if she was up to this—but she was already out of the car heading to the room number they had been given by Angel. He scrambled after her to find her already at the door.

Angel was standing in the doorway, his eyes fixated on Buffy as if he was staring at a ghost. Buffy's back was to Spike which he was slightly grateful for. He didn't want her to be happy to see him but judging by the look on Angel's face that wasn't the welcome he was getting. Buffy had brushed past him into the room before he could say anything. He watched her with a longing look on his face before seeing Spike approaching him.

"We need to talk," he said to Angel.

Buffy heard Spike ask to speak to Angel privately before he closed the door leaving just her and Faith in the hotel room.

"Hey, B. Heard you missed me," Faith teased.

Buffy crossed her arms and regarded Faith guardedly. "Then Angel must not have told you everything."

"Well I heard you aren't a Slayer anymore," Faith retorted as she raised an eyebrow. "Which means you didn't get the nifty Slayer dream about a black haired, veiny, scary-ass looking Willow about to end the world."

Buffy paled and sunk onto the bed. There was a pressure building behind her eyes that Buffy couldn't shake. "I should be handling this."

"You tapped out, B. I got this," Faith said confidently.

Buffy felt like she was drowning all of a sudden. All of this was too much. Slayer dreams meant a warning of big proportions. Was Willow the bad guy? Was she evil? Faith saw Buffy scratching her scarred knuckles in her anxiety. Buffy tucked him under her thighs when she saw Faith noticing.

"No," Buffy growled angrily. "Don't look at me like that. I can't stand it from you."

A dark look came on Faith's face. "You're offended by _my_ pity? Ok, I killed a man. So has Angel. So has Spike. _You_ almost killed me, remember? Face it, you're surrounded by murderers and people with demons—some of them literally _are_ demons. Why am I so fucking special that I get the privilege of St. Buffy hating me the rest of my life?"

Buffy rubbed her temples. Faith was right—they couldn't keep going like this. Maybe Spike had a point earlier in the car. "Why are you doing this for me?"

Faith had expected more of a fight and looked taken aback by her question. "Road to redemption and all. Gotta be the new Buffy."

Buffy held her gaze evenly for moment. "I need you to protect my family because I can't. I need to be sure that you're solid right now."

"Five by five, B," Faith said seriously.

"I didn't want this for us," Buffy admitted. "Kendra and I weren't best friends or anything but she had my back and I had hers. We trusted each other. You showed up and for whatever reason I felt like you were trying to take things from me. The whole Riley thing didn't help with that, by the way."

Faith actually looked embarrassed. "I was willing to share. Not Riley, I mean," she quickly corrected. "I came to Sunnydale because I was running away from everything and that nasty looking hooves vampire. I mean damn, B, you had a real mom and real friends and the house with the picket fence and shit. You had things that kept you from running. Why wouldn't I want a part of that?"

"I ran once. After I killed Angel I ran away and when I came back everyone was so _mad_ like…how dare you leave us?" Buffy's could feel her stomach turning into knots discussed this, especially when it was so closely tied to what had just happened to her.

"Why'd you run?"

"Because I finally saw what being a Slayer was. My friends would _never_ understand and my mom had turned her back on me. Willow had gotten badly hurt trying to give Angel his soul back and the honest truth was that I had a perfect moment of clarity that everything I love isn't safe as long as I am who I am. I thought I was protecting them from myself and that I was better off without them. That it would be easier. You enjoy being a Slayer. You enjoy the power and the rush because you never had the burden of it. I've faced enemies where if I lose the whole world ends. Where if I mess up, the people I love will die. I've carried that weight for so long that my friends don't know how to carry it without me. They are dependent and helpless people that wait for Buffy to save the day."

Buffy wasn't aware of how emotional she had gotten. It was surprising for her to reveal these things to Faith but once the words came out, she didn't feel any better. Her hands were shaking with suppressed rage and resentment. Faith's eyes widened at Buffy's speech. She hadn't been expecting that either but Faith wasn't stupid. She didn't want to push Buffy but she had a feeling her friends hadn't done her a favor by bringing her back after all.

It would have been easy to misinterpret her physical and emotional reaction to sadness. Faith, however, saw a spark in Buffy's eyes she had been missing when the ex-Slayer had entered the hotel room or even when she was arguing with Faith. Faith _knew_ anger.

What had they done?

* * *

As soon as Angel and Spike were out of earshot outside, he handed Spike a small vial containing a blue liquid. "This wasn't easy to get," he said pointedly. "The Powers That Be aren't sure what Buffy being back means."

Spike bristled. "And this is safe? I don't like them meddling with her."

"Spike, they told me she shouldn't be here. That she should have died. That doesn't sound to me like she was trapped in some kind of hell dimension."

Spike averted his gaze, his jaw clenching. "That's for Buffy to tell you but I don't think she fancies you much right now."

Angel almost pouted. "I got that impression. Because I didn't come to her funeral?"

"What did you want me to tell her, mate? You were being all dark and broody in Sri Lanka?"

Angel glared at his grandchilde. "Don't forget what I did for you," he growled. "I was there for her before you even _thought_ about getting a soul."

Spike wanted to antagonize Angel but held his tongue. "What else did the Poofters That Be say?"

"That she needs to take this so she can have her powers back. They said Buffy may be more important _because_ of the mystery surrounding her resurrection. The spell used to bring Buffy back was very powerful and very dark. There has to be a consequence to that."

"Buffy is fine," Spike retorted quickly, agitated.

"And what if she isn't?"

"Say what you have to say, Angel."

Angel took a deep sigh. "The stripping of her powers may be temporary. It's almost like her body is oversaturated with the magic from the spell and it's recuperating."

Spike frowned. "I don't think she wants to be the Slayer anymore is the problem."

Angel regarded Spike wearily. "I want her to get what he wants, Spike. But something has to tell you that it can't be that simple. Buffy is who she is."

"She's _afraid _and delicate. Not a choice of words I thought I'd ever use to describe Buffy. It kills me to see her like this. I don't think she even knows who she is right now."

It had been difficult for Spike. It was like walking on eggshells. He didn't want to push her but he didn't want to let her stay in the state she was in. It was beyond depression, beyond anger-even the moments when she was seemed OK, the moment passed just as quickly as it came. The worst part of it all was that he wouldn't trade the last couple days for all the souls in the world. As much as she didn't want to be back, he wanted her here ten times over.

Angel could see Spike battling with his emotions and didn't feel the self-satisfaction he thought he would. "You were always different, Spike. Maybe it's because Drusilla was your sire and she was well...crazy."

"I'm not like you. I'd bloody kill myself if I ever was," Spike said grudgingly.

"We both love her," Angel stated simply.

"Like hell you do," Spike growled. "You love the idea of the girl."

Angel clenched his jaw, biting back his original reply. "Give her the potion or don't. But it should be her choice."

Spike raised his eyebrow. "Her choice? Even if she chooses-"

"Even if she chooses to walk away."

"And if she chooses me?" Spike challenged.

Angel met Spike's stare evenly and said sadly, "She already has."


	6. I Don't Know What You've Become

**Chapter Six: I Don't Know What You've Become**

Tara could barely contain her nerves as she stood in front of the Summer's residence. She had been staying with Xander and Anya for the last couple of days. She had originally thought it would help her clear her mind but honestly it hadn't helped much. Xander was finally beginning to legitimately worry about Willow which seemed to be the most devastating part of all. Xander had been very focused on helping Willow deal with Buffy's death that unfortunately it didn't give him a lot of space to grieve properly. When Willow started to show signs of abusing magic, Xander had brushed it off as her way of dealing with everything. It was obvious that he didn't want to lose Willow too and he was blindly ignoring the fact that Willow was slipping away.

Or had been. Now it was hard to ignore.

Tara entered the house trying to take deep calming breaths. She knew Spike and Buffy were meeting up with Angel and Faith. She wanted some semblance of privacy to speak with Willow tonight after all. When she found Willow in their room, she was curled up on the bed trembling and sweating. Tara's heart felt like lead because she knew these were signs of Willow coming down from using a large amount of magic. The disappointment that Tara tried to push down was devastating.

Willow felt Tara in the room and sat up immediately, running a hand through her hair and smiling shakily. "Tara, you came back."

"You saw Rack last night," Tara stated. Her eyes challenged Willow to lie to her for the millionth time. Willow averted her gaze in shame and took a deep breath.

"I've been going every night for a while now."

Willow thought telling the truth would relieve her conflicted conscious. Instead the look on Tara's face broke her heart. "Tara," she pleaded. "I don't know how to stop. I don't know why I keep making such a mess of you and I. The lying and the spells-"

Tara eyes filled with tears as she remembered what that day felt like. When she found the evidence that Willow was erasing her memories of the fights they had. She had trusted Willow and instead she had violated her head like Glory had. She held up a hand to silence Willow. "You scare me," she stuttered. "You almost killed Giles. I saw you-your hair was black and your eyes were so empty. I don't know what you've become."

Willow sat up, as if to come towards her and Tara took a step back. "No," she choked out. Her voice was thick with tears. "Tara, baby, don't be scared. I just need help, ok? I'll fix this! I'll fix everything. I promise."

"I want to help," Tara said slowly. "As-as-your friend."

Willow felt like the words weighed a thousand pounds. Her reaction was to panic and she reached for Tara, gripped her arms. "No, I can't do this without you."

The sounds of Willow's own sobs were all she could hear. Her hands were sparking against Tara's arms, burning her. Willow's emotions were everywhere and she felt the sparks dancing at her fingertips. Tara was pleading with Willow to let her go but the sound wasn't computing in Willow's head. Suddenly Tara shoved her away, her own hands glowing white. The momentum caused Tara to bump into the dresser behind her and Willow crumpled on the floor in front of the bed. Tara was frantic.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Willow eye's rose to meet her. Her face was covered by her red hair before and as Tara saw Willow's eyes switching between their normal color and black. She realized Willow was having a knee jerk reaction to Tara's magic.

Black eyes met Tara's and a chill ran through her body. Willow stood up. "I'll give us a fresh start, baby. Please."

While the words were pleading, the voice that said them wasn't Willow's. The eyes looking back at her were void of any emotion.

Tara could feel Willow trying to crawl into her consciousness. It felt like spiders climbing into her skull. She willed herself not to panic and with a sad resignation realized the only way to fight Willow's magic was to use her own. Tara shoved Willow out of her head harder than she expected before Willow shoved back. Tara gasped at how powerful Willow was and tried to summon a shield to protect her memories from the dark witch in front of her. Their two energies were pushing against each other equally then suddenly Willow got the upper hand. In a burst of energy Willow could barely control a black light shot out of Tara, propelling Tara with great force backwards.

Completely spent, Willow slumped to the ground. "Oh my god, Tara!"

She ran over to Tara's unconscious form, cupping her head and sobbing. She went to frantically wipe away her tears and saw blood on her finger tips. Willow braced herself on the counter to keep from falling the breath left Willow's body and with a shaking blood smeared hand, fingered the sharp counter edge that had Tara's blood on it also. She quickly turned Tara over to see a large gash on the back of head..

She heard a gasp and turned to see Dawn standing in the doorway.

"Willow, what did you do?"

* * *

Buffy had actually fallen asleep in the car on the way back from the meeting with Angel. Faith was quiet the whole ride back. She seemed genuinely grateful to be anywhere but jail right now. They approached the house and the flash of police and ambulance lights woke Buffy up. The ambulance was pulling off when Spike parked the car. Xander was already heading towards Buffy when she got out the passenger car.

"Buffy, it's fine. Dawn's OK," he said first. Buffy visibly relaxed a little but the troubled look on his face made her relief a fleeting feeling. "It's Willow."

Buffy's heart almost stopped.. "What happened?"

Suddenly a very distraught Dawn came rushing out of the house towards Buffy.. "Buffy!" she shouted and she flung herself into Buffy's arms. Buffy felt the small girl's sobs against her chest. Over Dawn's head, she met the eyes of Willow who was standing in the doorway of the entrance.

Dawn pulled away from her to see Buffy and Willow staring at each other. "She hurt Tara, Buffy," Dawn said. "She hit her head really bad and then-"

But Buffy was already heading towards Willow and before Willow could get a word out, Willow was on the ground and Buffy was cradling her fist. Willow rubbed her jaw and whimpered a small sob. "Get out of my house," Buffy barked at her.

She felt Xander, Spike, and Dawn coming up behind her but keeping their distance. Buffy didn't know what had happened. Between her admission to Faith earlier and then hearing about Tara, Buffy's patience with Willow had run out.

"You hit me," Willow whispered in disbelief.

"What happened to Tara?" Buffy asked. While they all knew Buffy wasn't a Slayer anymore, Willow made no effort to get up. Faith came up next to Buffy in case she needed to restrain either her or Willow and smiled inwardly when she saw Buffy with a fire in her eyes.

"She-she-Tara was going to leave me and I panicked. I tried to change her mind," Willow began. Then she hung her head. "I tried to make her forget all the bad things and just love me again. She used magic to fight me off and then I just couldn't control it I-"

"She had burn marks on her arms of your hands," Dawn growled from behind Buffy. "She barely knew her name. You did something to her _head_! What did you do?"

Willow stood to her feet. She was still feeling weak from the magic earlier as well as earlier that night from Rack. "I honestly don't know. I wasn't controlling it. I'll get better."

"No," Xander said sadly. "I don't believe that anymore. You need help.."

When no one else came to her defense, Willow looked angry. "So you're just going to give up on me? My best friends? Buffy would still be dead if it weren't for me. I saved her!"

"You didn't save me, Willow-"

"You ungrateful bitch," Willow spewed. Her eyes flashed black for a moment and she stepped towards Buffy who didn't back down. "You never even said thank you. Maybe I should send you back where you came from. You might not want to piss me off considering you hit like girl."

Xander went to pull Buffy back but she shook him off, invading Willow's personal space. "Go ahead then."

Xander attempted again but Buffy whirled to face him. "Back off, Xander. I mean it!"

"Yeah, Xander, Buffy and I are talking," Willow said, her eyes never unlocking from Buffy's. "You died. You left me to take care of everyone."

"It's not like I had a choice!"

"Yes you did! You jumped. And I thought that you were somewhere awful like Angel. I had dreams that you were trying to get out and I couldn't just leave you there. You couldn't really be gone."

Buffy took a step back and her body uncoiled from it's tense posture.. "I was in Heaven."

Willow's face crumbled and she narrowed her eyes at Buffy in disbelief. Buffy couldn't bare to look at Dawn or Xander. She felt Spike come up next to her in support.

"You should have known that honestly. My mom died and I had to keep going. You should have done the same thing, not come up with some explanation to help you stay in denial. You brought me back because you had to the power to do it. You are selfish and weak to think that you can fix everything bad that happens to you with magic instead of dealing with it like a normal person. Either you bind your powers or you can never come back here again. And if you ever endanger my sister again, I will kill you myself."

Willow numbly walked back into the house in silent agreement to the terms. She felt Xander and Dawn eyes' on her. "Buffy," Xander began to say.

"No, please just not tonight," Buffy choked out.

"I'll go check on Tara," he said. She looked at him gratefully before he left.

"Dawn, why don't you try to get some sleep?" she heard Spike say to her sister. Dawn went inside quietly and Faith began to follow suit. Buffy watched the door close and tried to focus on anything but the oxygen seemingly rushing out of her lungs. Spike faced her, his eyes searching hers intently. He has expected pain but instead what he saw there was anger.

"Dawn was right," Buffy whispered. "Maybe they did need me."

"Scoobies are grown ups, love. The only one that needs looking after is Dawn and she's almost a woman now too," Spike said softly.

"It's not just them," Buffy said passionately. "I'm the Slayer. I was born a Slayer-everyone needs me. That's why I'm not allowed to be weak. That's why I'm strong. Faith was right. I can't stop fighting. That's why you fell in love with me."

"Not the only reason," Spike clarified.

Buffy still had a faraway look on her face. Spike considered telling her about the potion and the possibility that Angel had informed him of. But Buffy had been through enough tonight. He would talk to Giles about it first before he said anything he couldn't take back.

"I haven't been fighting," Buffy said. "I gave up. All I've been thinking about is how god awful it is to be here. How much I don't want this.. I left Dawn here with Willow, Spike. I have to be here."

Spike knew the words were more for herself so he didn't reply. She reached out for his hand and Spike was surprised. His hand was on fire-she had never touched him like this outside of her bedroom. His eyes met hers and they softened immediately when she saw that the gesture she made hadn't gone unrecognized.

"I'm not afraid anymore."


	7. Buffy Doesn't Belong Here

**Chapter Seven: Buffy Doesn't Belong Here**

"Sunnydale sure has changed," Faith said while fidgeting with her cigarette. The Summers' porch was the only place to escape the mayhem that was unfolding inside of the house. Willow was alternating between crying and pacing in her room. Buffy and Dawn were in some kind of silent awkward glancing match. And Faith got it-Buffy had dropped some kind of bombshell on them. It was definitely going to cause some guilt trips but right now Faith didn't feel like being in the middle of it. This was her first night not being in jail and it didn't feel as liberating as she thought.

Angel understood her. Faith hadn't been close to many people in her life. Her watcher and the mayor really were the only ones. Now she was surrounded by people who probably would never see her as more than a killer. She wondered if this would be enough to ease her conscious-if anything ever really would be.

Spike emerged from the shadows. "What were you expecting?"

"Not Willow to go all Wicked Witch on everyone. If she goes off the deep end, I'm pretty sure she's still pissed I popped Xander's cherry. Even though she doesn't bat for that team anymore," Faith replied. She turned to face him. "You're not that good at the lurking in the shadows thing. Angel must have failed to mention that."

"And did Captain Forehead actually mention?"

"Nut shell? Arrogant, soul having, has a hard on for Buffy. Is she like cat nip for vamps or something?"

Spike bristled. "Don't really care much for cat nip. Care for Buffy, yeah."

Faith smirked at him. "We met before. When you were all blonde and bad ass."

Spike huffed. "Still the Big Bad, little girl. Don't forget that."

Faith raised her hands in mock surrender. "I get it. Trying to be a whole new man and all to win over the girl."

"I didn't know she'd come back," Spike scoffed. "I'm grateful everyday for that but...didn't want her to see me like this."

"All broody like Angel?" Faith teased.

"Mock me all you want. But you see them too when you close your eyes-all the people you killed. Imagine decades of bodies lined up-just waiting to haunt you. Killed my own mother, I did. Even without a soul I felt that ghost following me and now it's a bleeding army."

Faith turned away from him, his words striking a chord with her. She felt him come up next to her, leaning over the railing. She went to bring her cigarette to her lips and found that her hand was shaking. Spike gave her a knowing look.

Faith threw the dying butt to the ground in frustration. "When I sleep, I see myself digging graves. I can't be Buffy. Why did I even come here?"

"Maybe you need to some good deeds to balance out your bad ones," Spike suggested.

"I felt Willow. I know you can too. What we're up against is bigger than Buffy realizes. And she's out for the fight?" Faith grunted, shaking her head. "What if I have to kill Willow?"

Spike took a deep breath and solemn expression met Faith's worried one. "If it comes to that, you have to. Buffy would...even though she loves Red. Sent Angel to Hell before. Its the nature of the profession. We have to hope she can bind her powers."

Faith laughed. "What part of this aren't you guys seeing? Willow won't let magic go. She _can't_. It's a textbook good girl gone bad scenerio. And she isn't playing with love spell fake wicca shit, Spike. She is tasting real power right now and she may let you take it away now but she _will_ want it back."

"So Red just suffers?"

"Why not? The rest of us have to."

* * *

The next morning everyone except Willow was waiting in the living room for Giles to arrive. Xander had come straight from the hospital without any good news. Tara was still in ICU because of brain swelling and was in a medically induced coma. The doctor had informed him that it was a touch and go situation and hopefully Tara's family could fly in before it was too late. The room was very tense right now. Last night had been taxing for everyone.

No one was making eye contact and lost in their own thoughts. Except for Anya who was glaring daggers at Faith. Faith sat up from her perch on the bottom step on the stairs and approached the group. "Look, I _really really_ don't want Xander anymore. So if you could keep your eyes to yourself I'd appreciate it," Faith said in an annoyed tone.

Anya looked indignant. "You aren't invited to the wedding."

Faith rolled her eyes. "Oh no," she said sarcastically. "And I was going to get you a blender."

"I do the sarcasm around here. You're going to need another thing," Anya said matter of factly.

"Here I thought you were the brains of the operation," Spike taunted.

Faith sighed, realized there was no point to fighting with the blond who was obviously fiercely protective of Xander. "No lie, it was a fun five minutes but I'm over it. It's not like he's the one that got away or anything."

"Whoa!" Xander yelped. "Five minutes? _Five_ minutes! It was at least like...eight."

Anya patted his knee and smiled at him. "Don't worry, Xander. Your sex is fine the way it is."

Xander turned red and Buffy looked at Dawn in horror. "Can we discuss Xander's penis another time? As in never?" she asked. "Dawn can hear you."

"Dawn knows what a penis is," Dawn mumbled. "Not literally...just you know from health class and stuff," she quickly corrected.

"Can we discuss Xander's inadequacies another time?" Spike groaned.

"I am not inade-" Xander began to argue.

"Your shortcomings, then?" Spike quipped with a toothy grin.

"It's bigger than you might think," Anya said, trying to be helpful. Faith shrugged in agreement, causing Xander to puff out his chest in victory.

Spike had been sitting next to Buffy on the couch facing Anya and Xander who were now bickering back and forth. Spike caught Buffy's distant look and the his jovial mood quickly dissipated. Dawn had followed Spike gaze and saw his face fall.

"Buffy," Dawn said. Buffy snapped out of her reverie and met Dawn's concerned gaze. She felt everyone staring at her now and had a feeling she had avoided discussing last night until this moment. Buffy took a deep breath and braced herself.

"I don't really have anything else to say," she whispered.

"Well I do," Xander said. "I'm sorry."

Buffy knew he was being sincere and nodded. "I know."

Buffy had been expecting a big discussion but the truth was there really was no point to it. The foundation of her anger was connected to Willow. Xander loved her and so he wasn't going to regret having her here. No one was. Buffy knew she could scream about how difficult it still was for her. But difficult was an understatement and she knew they would _never_ understand. She had told them the truth but there was nothing that change that truth. Now she just needed to fake a smile and pretend to be OK, at least so they would stop looking at her like she was a wounded puppy.

"Actually, we do need to discuss something," Spike said. "I spoke with Angel and he spoke to the Powers That Be, some big honchos upstairs. Willow's spell actually reversed some kind of natural order. Buffy wasn't supposed to be bought back."

"What does that mean?" Dawn asked, her eyes wide.

"There's millions of prophecies floating around out there. Seers older than some of the oldest demons. And-"

"Buffy doesn't belong here," Anya simplified.

"No," Dawn moaned. "Does that mean we have to send her back?"

"I don't think we can just return her like a shirt that's too small," Anya mused.

"I'm not going anywhere, Dawnie," Buffy said to assure her sister. "I don't think it works like that."

Willow could be heard coming down the steps and everyone froze. No one had spoken to her since last night. At the same time the front door started to open. From the living room, the only thing Buffy saw or heard was all the blood drain from Willow's face and her sputter out, "Oh my god."

Buffy sprung to her feet immediately, ready to see her Watcher. Her heart warmed as he smiled gently at her.

Giles wasn't alone.

"Oz?"


	8. You Are Extraordinary

**A/N: Thank to anyone and everyone who reviewed/favorited. It was a crazy week last week and the notification of someone favoriting Favors actually reminded me to update. I'll see you all next Monday with a brand new chapter.**

**Chapter Eight: You Are Extraordinary**

"Surprise," Oz deadpanned with a crooked smile. He locked eyes with Willow who had a horrified expression on her face. She smelled different-she reeked of magic. Oz hadn't been sure how he would feel seeing Willow again. His last visit to Sunnydale hadn't gone so well but the one thing he knew this time for certain was that his wolf was under control this time. He was certain of this until he saw Willow and his wolf was growing anxious. It was sensing a threat and the natural instinct to protect itself was gnawing at Oz.

Buffy had launched herself at Giles next to him. At first Giles seemed taken aback but then he was hugging her back just as tightly. Buffy pressed her face against his chest. For the first time she felt grounded. She felt Anya collide into the hug and Giles's laugh through his jacket. Giles pried the girls away from him, tucking each of them under an arm. His eyes were shining as he held back tears.

Dawn watched Buffy with Giles and felt relieved. She knew Spike was slowly chipping away at her but her pseudo-father seemed to be the missing piece. Seeing Buffy smile made her heart swell and saw Spike take notice too.

Giles even greeted Faith warmly but when he finally got to Willow she didn't look happy.

"You bought Oz here?" she whispered, hurt.

"I thought he might provide some insight to your problem," he explained. "He's had experiencing suppressing-"

But Willow was already stomping up the stairs. Giles gave Oz an apologetic look.

"Not that I'm taking Willow's side, but usually when your ex shows up you hope to blow him away with how hot you are. Not how all crazy evil witch you are," Faith said.

"Have I not mentioned how refreshing it is to see you back?" Giles asked. "I need to speak with Buffy privately. Excuse us."

Buffy followed Giles to the back porch through the kitchen leaving the group behind. Xander smiled at Oz. "You don't write...you don't call..."

Oz shrugged. "I like dramatic entrances."

"Does this mean I have to invite him to the wedding too? I'm engaged, by the way. To Xander," Anya chimed flashing her ring.

Oz stared at the spot where Willow was standing moments ago.

* * *

As Buffy followed Giles' lead through the kitchen to the back porch, her mind was racing. It was comforting in an odd way to have everyone back in Sunnydale and when she had seen Giles, she had nearly toppled over with how much she had missed him. Giles sat on the porch step patting the spot to him and Buffy sat next to him.

She squirmed a little under his intense gaze. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

He chuckled. "I see you haven't lost your sense of humor."

"Humor and all my limbs still seem to be here as well."

Giles cleared his throat. "Xander has gotten me up to speed on what's transpired in my absence and your return."

"He told you where I was?" she asked, her throat suddenly very dry.

"Yes."

Buffy looked at her feet. "It was a really long time for me. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. I don't know how much that is in years but it feels that way. Everything feels so different now. Everything _is_ different now."

"You've lost your powers."

"It's for the best," Buffy said while averting his eyes.

"I'm not sure. You care about what you do, Buffy. I've watched you grow-"

"I died," she said steelily and the anger was apparent in her voice. "And not for the first time either. Slayers die and the lives we live while we are here are so...you'll never understand but I don't want that anymore."

Giles sighed. "I understand you want to be here for Dawn."

"Dawn can take care of herself. I did when I was that age and because of me Dawn has no idea what safe is."

Giles took a deep sigh. "Buffy, I don't know what you're expecting. Your life here had friends and family who missed you very deeply once you passed. You were a sister and daughter. This realm isn't heaven. There's pain and death. There's an evil simmering under our feet right now. You are the thing that keeps us from being consumed. There are reasons to be here and there are still reasons to fight. You cannot turn your back on that-not because of duty but because it's the right thing to do. You stood up to the Council and won. No Slayer has ever gotten under their skin like you. You've simply redefined what a Slayer is and - in my eyes -redefined what a Watcher should be. Normal doesn't suit you. You are extraordinary."

Buffy's eyes welled up with tears. "That's a rousing speech if I ever heard one," she choked out. Her eyes searched his and all she saw was pride looking back at her. "I just don't feel like I belong here. And I don't apparently."

Giles smiled at her gently. "How could you feel like yourself here, Buffy? You're missing parts of who you are. You're adjusting to something that shouldn't be taken lightly. No one is expecting you to bounce back overnight."

"What about Willow?"

A dark look clouded Giles' face. "Willow needs help. Once her powers have been bound, Oz and I found a coven that's willing to rehabilitate her."

"Somehow that seems too easy," Buffy sighed..

"I feel as though I've failed her," Giles admitted sadly. "I've tried to shield her from the dark magics."

"You know this isn't your fault."

"I thought Oz could reach her in a way that we could not. It seems that I've pushed her further away."

"He might still be able to," Buffy said optimistically. "Hopefully before she hurts anyone else."

Giles laughed. "You're saying that to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

"We will see. If not, we will have to come up with something else," he said darkly.

"Are you back for good?" Buffy asked. Her stomach wrenched in anticipation of his answer.

"I will need to escort Willow to the coven in England."

"Oh," Buffy mumbled.

"But if I needed here, I will return."

"Can I need you in advance?" Buffy half-joked.

He then regarded her very seriously. "I have to ask. What was it like?"

"The more I think about it, the more confusing it is. Every day it gets fuzzier. I think I'm starting to forget," she said sadly. "My mom was there. Sometimes I can still smell her or feel her hair on my cheek when she hugged me. I remember her the most."

His heart broke at her confession. "It will get better."

"You don't know that," Buffy argued.

"I know what you've handled everything thrown at you so far. This is no different."

* * *

Oz had knocked on Willow's door a couple times without a response. He knew she was in there and his heightened sense of hearing allowed him to hear her soft sobs. When Giles had found him and told him what had happened, he hadn't believed him. Oz had returned to Tibet after the fiasco of returning to Sunnydale before trekking to various covens throughout the world. While he regretted how he had ended it with Willow, Oz could say that he was happy. The key had actually been accepting the wolf as a part of him and finding a way to communicate with the force inside of him. They had reached an agreement that has long as no one was harmed that the wolf could emerge during full moons. Oz had to calm down his wolf earlier. Willow had felt like a threat but now that the wolf recognized Willow he was a bit more calm. As for the human part though, Oz was nervous when he opened the door to find Willow curled up on the bed.

She quickly wiped away her tears and ran her hand through her hair in an attempt to look decent. "Closed door usually means do not enter," she said through a quiet sob.

"I guess I'm supposed to give you the 'I understand what you're going through speech'."

Willow allowed him to sit next to her on the bed. "Fun."

"But I won't."

She looked at him wearily. "Why not?"

He shrugged and half smiled. "I'm not that guy. If you want to talk about it, I'm down. If not, then I'll just sit here."

"Tara might not make it," Willow struggled to say without crying. "And now you're here and I'm beyond a mess."

"Willow, come here," he said gently. She sat up and let him pull her towards his chest. Willow tucked her head under her chin. "Witchy Willow. Fuzzy sweater Willow. Pez witch Willow. You're still my Willow. So I will sit here for you."

"You don't know what I've done," she said in disbelief.

He moved back a little and lifted her chin up so she could meet his gaze. Willow released a sigh before closing her eyes.

"I don't care."


	9. The Mission Mattered

**A/N Thank you so much for all the reviews from last chapter. This is a shorter sadder chapter than usual, I know. I have maybe three or four more chapters of Favors before the sequel. I have some lovely evil things planned so keep favoriting and reviewing please :)**

**Chapter Nine: The Mission Mattered**

Giles had not known what he was thinking bringing Oz here. He feared he had only made things worse. Oz had entered Willow's bedroom hours ago and hadn't emerged yet. Everyone was anxious to find out what had transpired but yet the door hadn't even so much as cracked open.

Faith was perched on the kitchen island, her leather clad legs swinging as she watched Giles worry. "Don't stress yourself out, G Man. Maybe he's turning her straight."

Giles leaned against the counter by the sink. "Faith," he warned.

She held up her hands in surrender. "I'm just messing with ya. You know you missed me."

Spike entered the kitchen with Dawn behind him. "Nibblet is hungry," he announced.

"Can we order pizza while we Willow watch, please?" she begged.

"I'm in," Faith said cheerfully. "I haven't had pizza in ages."

"What? Jail doesn't have pizza?"

"Aren't you like two years old?" Faith replied. "All those annoying baby sister memories had to be made up. There's no way you're that much of a pain in the ass."

Dawn put her hands on her hips. Then her posture relaxed and she extended her hand to the dark haired Slayer. "I'm willing to call a truce."

"Why?" Faith asked wearily.

Dawn shrugged. "Buffy never let me fight with her. Patrol and stuff."

"You want to patrol? You know B would never go for that."

"She's too busy sneaking Spike into her room to notice I'm gone," Dawn said nonchalantly. "Besides I should know how to protect myself. You can teach me."

While Faith shook the young girl's hand in acceptance, Giles was busy cleaning his glasses. "Sneaking who into the what now?" he gasped. "Dear lord I'm starting to sound like her."

Faith hopped off the island and pat a nervous Spike on the shoulder. "Good luck with this one. I'll go check to see if Buffy's hungry."

She found Buffy sitting on the couch in the living room. When Buffy heard Faith enter she put the picture she had been looking at back on the table. "Whatcha looking at?"

Buffy didn't answer. It was an old picture of her , Xander, and Willow from Sunnydale High. Faith picked it up and handed it back to Buffy. She placed it on her lap. "I'm not sure what happens next."

"Well short term...Dawn just spilled the beans about you and Spike to Giles."

Buffy's eyes got wide. "What?"

"Sneaking him into your room like your dirty little secret," Faith teased. "Giles is ripping your boyfriend a new one as we speak."

"He's not my boyfriend," Buffy said immediately. "I mean, we haven't done anything."

"Did you come back blind or something?"

"It's complicated. And we don't have boy talk, Faith."

Faith flopped on the couch next to Buffy. "OK, but I gotta try on this one. Don't be mad at Angel. When he came to tell me about what happened he was really torn up. Said he was going to Sri Lanka or something."

"I'm pretty sure that qualifies as boy talk," Buffy said. But the Faith looked sincere enough that Buffy did feel a pang of guilt. "I'm over it really. It was just a reaction I guess. How about Slayer talk?"

"Ok I can handle that."

"Why do you think the Council has it in for us?"

"My first watcher told me the Council was a bunch of arrogant assholes sending girls to fight their battles. She prepared me to be on my own because I wouldn't really have anyone else. The mission mattered. No friends. No ties to anyone. Don't get me wrong I've always been on survival mode, nature of the beast that is my fucked up life and all but-you were the opposite of all of that. Giles was like a creepy father type. You had people, even a fake sister. I mean the Council has it in for me because I went all rogue Slayer and I _was_ dangerous. Needed to be put down. You though-I never got that one."

"You have people, Faith," Buffy emphasized.

"The mayor was the only person who loved me," Faith admitted softly. Buffy looked at her in surprise then felt a wave of sadness.

"I took that away."

Faith shrugged and bit her lip. "Took me awhile to get it but its cool. He was going to end the world. If I were you I'd have done the same thing. But I don't think we are special. I think we are lucky. We made it this far and pretty much shattered the life expectancy. I mean you grow up. Being a slayer at 16 is different from being a slayer at 20. You see it for what it is and you pick your own battles instead of fighting someone else's."

"I met the first slayer once. In a dream thing with a cheese guy.."

"None of that made sense, B."

"She was angry. I felt it in my bones. She didn't feel human."

"What did she feel like?"

"Familiar. I recognized something inside of her. It connected with me. Primal."

"Sounds hot," Faith joked.

"I miss it," Buffy whispered almost shamefully. "The power. The strength. That primal instinct that there was nothing I couldn't face."

Buffy heard the phone ring and then Dawn was running into the room. Her face was pale and an eerily stoic expression was on her face. "Tara's dead," she choked out. The words were heavy and weighed on Buffy's heart like an anvil.

Then an almost inhuman cry came from the top of the steps. Oz was standing behind a stricken Willow. He went to reach her shaking hand and she shoved him away.

Faith immediately jumped to her feet and started towards Willow. Buffy was behind her and pulled Dawn behind her protectively.

"What happened?" Willow asked in disbelief.

Giles cleared his throat. "The brain swelled. She had a stroke, then an aneurysm."

Spike's eyes met Buffy's hollow ones at his explanation. He already knew all the air had rushed out of her lungs and she was thinking of Joyce.

Willow frantically raced down the steps to find Faith standing between her and the door. "I need to see her."

Faith didn't budge.

"You don't understand. I can bring her back," Willow snarled at her. "I need to. I can fix this."

"Tara would have wanted you to get better. You can't use magic," Giles said as he approached the tense face off.

"Move out of my way," Willow warned Faith.

"I would really like to hit you but I'd prefer not to," Faith sighed.

Buffy stepped in between the two. But her expression wasn't angry or defensive. She had barely made eye contact with Willow in days. She missed her friend underneath everything else and now Willow was moved by the saddest understanding expression in Buffy's eyes. Willow's heart shattered into small pieces and the reality seemed to penetrate her fogged brain. Her determined facade began to crack.

"I know you want to bring her back," Buffy whispered. "Tara loved you. If you want to see her to say goodbye, we will go together. But if you go away now, I don't know how to get you back."

Buffy felt the tears stinging her eyes. She was angry at Willow for what she had done but Buffy had realized there was no normal to get back to if Willow wasn't a part of it. That picture earlier had reminded her of that.

"I killed her," Willow breathed.

Willow's knees gave out and she sunk to the floor as sobs racked her body. Oz started to go towards her but Buffy was already kneeling. She put her arms around Willow who eagerly melted into the embrace.


	10. I'm What You Let In

**A/N: Thanks for the feedback as always. I know some of you are mad at me for killing Tara. In a quick defense of the decision, the show beautifully tackled how Willow went dark because of vengeance and anger. For sake of the storyline that becomes more prominent in the sequel and this story as well, I wanted Willow to have more of an addiction to magic where she does some really irreparable things to her friends around her and she's going to be driven more by guilt then the original Willow. **

**Chapter Ten: I'm What You Let In**

Later that night every step Buffy took to her bedroom felt like she was walking in cement. The whole house felt dead and every breath Buffy took was temptation to let the tears spill over. She had barely wanted to leave the house to see Faith and Angel and ever since then, things were clearly spiraling out of her control. It was only in the quiet moments when she was really alone did she allow her brain to just accept the numbing quiet she needed right now more then anything. But the realities of what had happened in the last forty eight hours kept replaying like an old movie she could not get to end.

She had told her friends.

Giles was here.

Willow had killed Tara.

Having everyone in the house was more of gift then she thought. She always had someone looking at her, forcing Buffy to place some kind of emotion on her face. Unless Spike looked at her and her heart would break. Because he _knew_ she was pretending and he would cock his head a bit as if he was curious as to what she was thinking. Then his eyes would soften and she felt something in those moments that gave her more strength then she could imagine. It was the only thing that held her together.

Willow had cried herself to sleep and Oz had went to comfort her. Even though there was no comfort anyone could provide her that would fill the void she felt. Buffy knew that. God, she missed her mother.

She told her friends.

Giles was here.

Willow had killed Tara.

The worst part was that the responsibility she so resented was causing her to feel sharp pangs of guilt. How had she let Willow slip so far away? Was Tara's death partly her fault too?

Her vision blurred as the tears started to surface. Buffy placed a hand on her mouth to muffle an anguished cry, racing into her room. The pain quickly turned to anger and Buffy wanted to hit something. Before she could think rationally, she saw red and pulled back her arm to swing at the lamp. Her fist never made impact and she whirled on her heels to find Spike gripping her elbow.

"Love," he sighed. "You'll hurt yourself."

She roughly pushed herself away from him. "Don't tell me that! I can't-"

Her breath was coming out in short erratic spurts as she struggled to articulate all that was inside of her. Spike went to grab her again but stopped when he saw the defiance in her eyes. "Buffy-"

"I'll hurt myself?" she screamed at him. "I'm not weak. I'm not-I need to feel something real, Spike. Even if it's pain. I need to grab something and snap it's neck. I need-"

And she froze as she had realized what she had said and realized what she had said was the ultimate truth. "I need a reason to be here. I feel like I'm just taking up space and watching everything I care about fall to pieces. Nothing is the same and I can't reverse that Willow is slipping away or you have a soul or that Giles left or that Faith is being the normal one in this whole thing," she ranted. "I'm not the same and I feel that, Spike. I have no mission or _anything_. I don't have a damn thing!"

Spike watched her intently, knowing this wasn't his turn to speak.

"Giles is right. What did I think was going to happen? I'd get an office job and bake cookies? Raise fat little vampire babies and pretend that everything is OK?"

Spike smirked at her. "Vampire babies?"

Buffy froze, then blushed furiously. "I didn't literally mean-"

"Do our vampire babies have names?" he teased.

HIs blue eyes were dancing with amusement and Buffy couldn't help but smile a little. The boiling frustration was ebbing inside of her and his smug expression was almost cute. "No," she mumbled. "They don't."

"Giles knows about us," Spike said hesitantly. "Which is more then I can say for myself."

His eyes searched hers and Buffy looked down. "Oh. The talk."

"Your mates don't want to stake me as much as they used to. I'm still sneaking in windows like your dirty little secret," he whispered. Buffy immediately felt guilty when she heard the twinge of hurt in his voice.

"Spike," she sighed. "I don't know what I _can_ give you. You've done so much for me already and I'm just so...incomplete."

Spike lifted his chin with his fingers and said almost angrily, "Do you have any inkling what you've given me these last couple days? I hold you and it's a revelation. I feel close to you and I've never felt that with anyone since I've been walking this earth besides my mum. I'm in pieces too, love."

Buffy blinked away tears. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't need a definition. I just need to know you're with me," he whispered. His forehead pressed against hers and while in this moment he wanted nothing more to kiss her, he didn't want to scare her off.

"I'm with you. It's probably the only thing I'm sure of," she confessed. Her hand snaked to intertwine with his. "No more windows."

Spike tried to contain a smile but was unable to. He kissed her forehead gently and pulled away from her slightly. "I been keeping something from you. It's a potion that Angel was able to get. You could have your powers back but I don't know what exactly it does. How it works and all."

"You had it this whole time?" she hissed.

"You didn't seem like you'd be interested," he replied honestly. "Was waiting for a right time but then there never was one."

She seemed to accept his explanation. "I want it," she whispered. He wouldn't have heard her if it wasn't for his enhanced senses. "Where is it?"

* * *

In the other room Willow had woken up in a cold sweat. She gently removed herself from Oz's loose sleeping embrace and robotically began to head to the bathroom. None of this mattered, she thought coldly. Tara was gone. She closed the door behind her and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She felt sick-

And almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Tara behind her in the reflection. She whipped around expected her to be a guilt induced vision. Instead she was still there. All the air left Willow's lungs and tears sprung to her eyes.

"Tara," she squeaked out. On instinct she reached out for the touch she hadn't felt even before Tara had passed. The words 'I miss you' seemed beyond an understatement and a travesty of the feelings Willow actually felt. Tara pulled away as if repulsed by her.

"You can't touch me because of what you did," Tara whispered.

Willow recoiled. "I'm sorry. Where are you? How are you here?"

"I need to warn you."

"But I haven't used since that night!" Willow protested. "I'm done with magic. I know that I got that too late. I know that...it's my fault that you're gone," and Willow almost choked on the words. "But I'll beat this and I'll make you proud."

Tara frowned deeply and shook her head. "I saw what you did."

"I don't understand," Willow almost screamed in frustration.

Tara stepped closer and Willow almost fainted when her familiar scent filled her senses. The pull was too strong. The pull to hold Tara or just sink into the pit of darkness that was beneath Willow's feet. "I watched you kill them. You're dangerous, Willow."

Willow's blood ran cold. "Kill who?"

"Everyone," she replied sadly. "The magic is stronger than you. I don't want you to slip away. I want you to be with me so we can be at peace. So we can be together the way we were supposed to be."

"How can I do that?" Willow whispered, utterly confused. "That's not-"

"You know how," Tara said, her eyes downcast. They rose slowly to meet Willow's then guided both their gazes to a discarded razor on the kitchen sink. "It will only hurt for a second."

Willow stumbled back, her body slamming into the sink as she tried to back away from the vision in front of her. "Who are you?"

Tara snickered and a dangerous gleam sparked in her eyes. "Did I go too far? The image of your dead girlfriend asking you to kiss this horrible world goodbye? Maybe I underestimated how pathetic you are."

"Who. Are. You?"

'Tara' turned into a version of Buffy, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes sarcastically. "Well you caught me. I'm what you let in when you bought her back. The world was _literally_ a better place without her in it. But if I have my way there won't be very much of your little merry band of misfits when I'm through. Actually, technically I was always here but you-"

And Buffy laughed for a bit. "Let's just say I get to play now instead of being locked inside the house."

Willow wanted to dispute the words but something inside her knew them to be true. She could feel what little energy she had trying to use magic in case she needed to defend herself. But the withdrawal was taking it's toll and her veins almost burned with the effort. "Shut up," she spat.

"Not the best response," Buffy mocked. "Aren't you guys known for your witty puns and clever one liners? I'm disappointed. I was hoping to get the whole experience when I stopped in."

"Well you can leave now."

"Why? I'm just starting to have fun. You know last time I tried to get one of you to kill yourself Buffy tried to intervene. I guess she won't miss you very much. Not that I can blame her."

Willow gasped. "You're the First."

Buffy clapped. "Smart girl. Except when it comes to the one thing that you can't quite wrap that little redhead around. I've already been inside of you. That taste you want for more power. The way you fantastically killed your little girlfriend."

"I'm not evil," Willow argued through clenched teeth.

"Not literally. _I'm_ evil. You're just-well let's put it this way. You've been asked to be a vengeance demon, which is no small feat. Even alternate dimension vampire Willow was kinda fucked up. Oh yeah! That's that murderer thing you're trying on now. Tell me, don't you like the way it feels?"

"No," she sobbed. Willow wanted to fight back but everything Buffy's doppelganger was saying was piercing her heart.

"Don't kid yourself. Isn't that why all your friends are trying to fix you? Why they don't trust you? They're the good guys, remember? Either way, killing yourself should still be an option for you. Although I think I'll enjoy watching you destroy yourself."

Suddenly the bathroom door flew open and a frantic Dawn rushed in. When Willow went to look back at where the First had it, she found nothing. "Something happened to Buffy!" she shouted.


	11. Buffy Has Chosen

**A/N: Once again, thank you so much for any feedback. I'm very anxious to get the last of this story up because I'm super excited about Retributions (the sequel) and have been writing like a maniac. Just remember people, season 6 was a dark season for Buffy and I'm respecting Joss Whedon's wishes and keeping it that away. On a lighter note, some Spike/Buffy moments are coming up soon. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 11: Buffy Has Chosen**

"Wake up."

Before Buffy opened her eyes, she felt all the muscles in her body burning in pain. Her head was throbbing and she tried to remember what the hell had happened. Spike had handed her the vial to get her powers back and then-

Her eyes flew open when she felt a body crouching over her. The sunlight was blinding and her hands came to cover her eyes on instinct. When they adjusted she recognized the desert and the curious grunting Slayer hovering over her.

"It's you," Buffy choked out and started to get up.

Sineya moved away from her but still circled Buffy as she took in the vast desert she was stuck in somehow. Sineya's lips didn't move but Buffy heard the words echoing off the cliffs and through her body.

"Slayer," it hissed.

Buffy tensed and had a small panicked sharp intake of breath. This was supposed to give her powers, not make her a Slayer again. She stood up and gave Sineya a pleading look. "No, this isn't what I wanted. I wasn't even sure yet. I-"

"Your witch upset a delicate balance. You are not meant for this realm."

Buffy felt the ground under her feet crumble and she fell forward into a pool of shallow water that had somehow appeared underneath her. The water shimmered and small ripples raced angrily over the surface.

"Like ripples."

Buffy was entranced at the water danced around her knees.

"Do I need to go back?" Buffy asked in a small voice. She couldn't help that Spike's face crossed her mind.

"The witch's dark magic allowed it to enter. The First is coming for your realm."

"Am I a Slayer?" Buffy asked impatiently. "I don't feel any different. How am I supposed to stop the First?"

"You will need the witch. And this."

The prowling Slayer tensed as three tribal looking men approached them. She was afraid, Buffy realized. One of the men was holding a wooden box and they stopped to stand behind Sineya. She took the box from him.

"The demons have weakened as time as gone on. As have we. Our demon is diluted and it will not be enough for what is coming. Shadow inside of me is pure strength and power. But Sultana is immortal and even stronger. You must take it."

Buffy froze. "No."

The men behind her started to rhymically hit the sand with large sticks they held in their hands. The ground began to shake and for a brief moment Buffy looked to the trembling water behind her. When her eyes rose again she was in a cave. Sineya was chained to the floor, her body twisting to escape the bonds. The men stood around her with a smaller box than before in their hands. Another Sineya appeared beside Buffy. This time she spoke for herself, her voice rough.

"Took Sineya. Made me strong."

The chained Sineya screamed as a dark smoke emerged from the now opened box. It curled into the shape of a claw and grabbed the captive girl's ankle. Buffy tried not to feel sick as the screams grew more and more frantic.

"What is this?"

The girl was now completely covered in the dark shadow.

"I felt Shadow. Crawl inside. Destroy inside."

A loud roar shook the walls of the cave. The smoke was gone and Sineya broke the chains off of the floor as another inhuman roar escaped her small mouth. She approached Buffy the chains scraping on the ground. She turned but found it was only her and this Sineya in the cave.

"Sineya chosen," she growled.

Buffy felt as though her heart had stopped. "This is how they made you. They put that thing inside of you. Forced you-"

"Inside you!" Sineya yelled, pointing a dirty finger at Buffy's chest. "Part of you. Why feel so empty now."

Buffy felt nauseous as the implication hit her full force. She had come back wrong after all. She was missing a crucial part of herself. "When I died, the demon died."

Sineya nodded and appeared happy that Buffy understood.

"This is all wrong," Buffy spat out. "They just choose girls to die. Those men made you fight for them."

"Different," Sineya tried to explain. She pointed to herself. "Shadow."

Then she pointed to Buffy. "Sultana. If take Buffy can stop pain. Will change. Will stop. Only way to fix is to take."

Sineya was growing impatient. She bared her teeth and dropped her shoulders, preparing to attack Buffy if she had to. "They violated you. They took-"

"No! They give-"

"They took away your choice, Sineya."

"Need power. Or _die_."

Buffy felt as if her head was spinning. She was so angry at what she had just seen and so afraid to accept all the facts presented to her. "I don't want to be a demon," Buffy whispered.

"Sultana no destroy. Just make strong. Live forever. Soul in Buffy is heavy. Anchor."

Buffy tried to piece together what she was trying to say. "What happened to your soul?" she asked Sineya sadly.

"Not heavy. Float away."

Buffy felt a wave of sadness almost crush her. "I still don't want to end up...like you."

Sineya growled in frustration and paced as she tried to explain. "No! Magic in Buffy. Witch make Buffy alive. Magic made soul _stuck_ inside."

Buffy nodded and tried to calm her down. "I get it. But is this the only way? Spike said the potion would just give me my powers back! They might even come back on their own! This is permanent."

"No more powers. No more demon. _Need _demon."

Sineya was growing agitated by Buffy's reluctance. She knew this to be the truth. Two extremes were the only two options: absolute strength or weakness. Buffy closed her eyes and tried to will her way out of this place. She thought it was worked when she found herself no longer in the cave. Instead she was in the desert and Tara was looking back at her. Her smile was gentle and sad.

"Are you really here?"

"The Powers That Be intercepted my soul. They offered me a choice. Move on or stay to guide you in what's to come."

"Like an angel?" Buffy breathed. Tara seemed calm and ethereal. Whatever the title was Buffy knew it to be true.

"You will need Willow. She's more powerful than you can imagine. A goddess if she can stay away from dark magic."

When Buffy gave her an indignant look, Tara amended her statement. "I'm not asking you to forgive her."

Good, Buffy thought to herself. She wasn't sure if that was a possibility yet.

"And what about me?"

"The potion Angel got was not correctly translated to him. It is an unveiling potion. Your powers are gone."

"This isn't fair," Buffy whispered.

"These are dark times and there is an end of days coming. None of this is fair and you have to choose."

Buffy sighed. Neither would make her happy. Was happy so far out of reach? Was it even possible? Could she really stand by and watch Faith take on this battle without fighting herself?

"Without me will they lose?" Buffy asked softly.

"I don't know but with you they will have a chance," she answered honestly. "As you know the Hellmouth is a very thin intersection of this realm and any others. The spell Willow used to bring you back weakened _all_ barriers of _all _realms temporarily. The natural order was disrupted and the most important one of those was the Slayer line."

"I saw what that is. How it started," Buffy spat. "I don't want any part of that."

"Sineya told you can change it. The power you would wield with Sultana will be sufficient to maintain the balance. You will be the end of the Slayer line. With Faith and the other Slayer pass, no more will be called. This is what we are hoping for."

"The Council won't like that. They couldn't stand me before," Buffy groaned.

Tara smiled at her. "The Powers That Be and anyone of real power knows that the Council are nothing but a bunch of mortal men. Foolish men are even now do not understand what is happening to the Slayer line."

"And what is happening?"

"The Slayer line is directly connected to the natural balance of good and evil. When the First tipped its hand into this realm-the _second_ that evil was detected-the Slayer line was prematurely activated. A Slayer is not randomly chosen. There are candidates-_potential_ Slayers in the event that a new one must be called. The Council only facilitate the process. They hardly control the origins or the magic of the line. These potentials are growing stronger, on the verge of being called because this new threat. The demon those men used on Sineya is just the _power. _A Slayer is more than that. Slayers are born, just their power is made."

"I can't stop being a Slayer," Buffy realized. "But I feel like...I'm missing pieces of myself."

"You are sad and conflicted and ,with time, that will right itself. This particular power comes with the price of immorality. You cannot return to your Heaven if you make this choice."

"This is Willow's mess," Buffy growled. "A consequence of her actions! And she-"

"Willow is on her own path. This is your own and now you must choose. Things are progressing quickly and preparations must be made."

Buffy bit her lip and her eyes shimmered with tears. If this threat was as epic as she was being told, she couldn't leave her family unprotected. Be a bystander when the balance of good and evil was teetering because of her presence? While it was a devastating choice, hadn't this been what she wanted? To have a choice in being a Slayer instead of it being thrust upon her by some unseen destiny?

Sineya came up behind Tara, the Sultana Box clenched in her hands. Her long dreadlocks covered her eyes and she bent to place the box in front of Buffy. When her eyes met Buffy's they were wide with reverence and pride. She looked hopeful and Tara gave her small satisfied smile.

Sineya opened the box with mud stained fingers. "Buffy has chosen. Buffy Sultana."


	12. Tingly

**A/N: I know I say this every time BUT I really do enjoy all of your feedback. I try my hardest to at least respond and say thank you. Sometimes we go into tangents about Buffy episodes but it's still very encouraging. If you are reading and like my story, please add it to your alerts because I'll be posting an author's note after the conclusion that will let you guys know the sequel is up. Only two more to go!**

**Chapter Twelve: Tingly**

"We bought Faith here. She could have been done with this," Spike whispered as he cradled Buffy's hand in both of his. As soon as Buffy had taken the potion, she had collapsed. While her breathing was steady and she appeared to be alright, this was the longest hour of Spike's unlife. Giles and Faith were watching him, their own hearts breaking.

"Buffy is a warrior. There would be a time when I agreed with you. However, if Angel supplied the potion I'm sure it will not harm her. You didn't force her to do chose to get her powers back and I couldn't be more proud of her," Giles said. He laid a comforting hand on Spike's shoulder. Spike rose from his kneeling position beside Buffy. He still looked worried but seemed to accept Giles's reasoning.

Then Buffy began to take gasping breaths and her chest heaved with the tremendous effort those breaths required. Her body arched off the bed. Spike immediately went to calm her but froze when he saw that her scarred knuckles were healing.

"What's happening?" Faith almost screamed.

A blood curdling scream flew out of Buffy's mouth before her body grew limp. Buffy's body began to fill out to compensate for the weight she had lost since she had returned due to her lack of appetite and sleep. Her body began to awaken the unused muscles from lack of fighting and strengthened them further. It was almost like life was being breathed into her and her lithe body morphed into the strong athletic one of a warrior.

"Dear Lord," Giles whispered.

Suddenly Spike tensed up next to him and a low growl rolled of his lips. "Close the door," he ordered Giles. His order wasn't questioned as Spike continued to growl at the unmoving form of Buffy on the bed. His demon was on edge because he sensed _something_-_ancient_ and powerful.

With inhuman speed Buffy leapt onto all fours on the bed as if she had been startled. Her long hair covered her face, her muscles taut, and her right arm held out in front. The sheets were clenched in her fingers and her face became visible when she lifted her chin to sniff the air. Her eyes were a brilliant emerald green but wild and confused as she took in her surroundings.

Spike's demon seemed to relax. She was magnificent.

"Love-"

At the sound of his voice, Buffy latched onto him before he could blink. She had wrapped her legs around his hips and buried her face in his neck. She was practically purring as she licked Spike's neck in one languid stroke. "Spike," she growled.

Giles was turning bright red as he watched Buffy all but molest a willing Spike. His eyes were closed to control himself but his physical response was immediate and Buffy was rubbing herself _all_ over him. Faith stepped towards the duo slowly.

"Buffy, you're going to make Spike come in his pants," she said amused. "Get off the sexy vampire now."

Buffy's head popped up, cocking to the side as she noticed Faith. Giles briefly wondered why Faith wasn't afraid of Buffy. The blonde Slayer detached herself from a now sputtering Spike to approach Faith. She sniffed the air around her before grabbing the back of Faith's head, tilting it to the side, and licking her neck as she had done to Spike.

Spike cursed. "_Now_ I'm going to come in my pants. You can lick her back you know. Maybe stroke her hair a little?"

Buffy's actions were now curious as she let go of Faith's head. "Like me," Buffy whispered. "Strong."

Giles cleared his throat. "I think she's marking you," he offered as an explanation.

"Or everyone is gay around here now," Faith snorted. "Buffy, are you OK?"

Buffy stood to her full height, her chest out and said proudly, "Buffy Sultana."

"That's impossible," Giles breathed as all the color drained from his Faith. Buffy turned to him, her eyes going to their normal color.

"Please don't hump Giles," Faith begged, half-joking. "And Sul-what now?"

Buffy took a moment to focus and she felt herself in control of her own body again. Her eyes immediately flew to Spike who was staring at her with amazement shining in his blue eyes. "Slayer, your-"

"The Immortal Slayer," Giles whispered in disbelief.

Spike watched as every different emotion flickered over Buffy's face. She was alert to everything. She could hear the other people in the house coming up the stairs. She could _smell _ them. Buffy turned on her heel to look out her open window at the squirrel running up the nearest tree. She vividly heard its paws scratching against the wood as it scrambled up the branches. Spike had put a hand on her elbow and said to her calmly, "Just concentrate on _one_ thing," he advised. "Pay attention to what you want to. Tune the rest out."

Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She focused her senses while Giles questioned Spike. "What is happening to her?"

"It's like when I woke up from being turned. Your senses go all haywire. Can't you see her being all jittery?"

"Buffy's a vampire?" Faith asked, confused.

"No," Buffy said. Now that she felt like her body was under control, she smiled at Spike in gratitude for his advice. "Giles is right. I saw the First Slayer. I had to take the Sultana demon."

"What does it feel like?"

"Tingly. Sorry I attacked you guys, the demon took over a bit."

"It's cool, B. Cave Buffy was kind of hot anyway."

Buffy turned every shade of red she could think of and covered her face with her hands. "I least I didn't molest Giles?"

Giles seemed frustrated at the flippant conversation taking place. "Buffy, what you've done isn't to be taken lightly."

"The First isn't either," Buffy said seriously. "There's alot to go over and I think-"

Dawn, Oz, and Willow rushed into the room before Buffy could explain further. Oz immediately tensed and he sensed Buffy. He just nodded and shrugged. "Interesting, " he said.

"I'm OK," Buffy said to Dawn. "Sorry about the whole passing out thing."

Faith stood next to Buffy and put her arm around the girl's waist. "Can we like...test drive this thing? I'll take her on patrol."

Buffy practically salivated at the prospect of a fight as she nodded enthusiastically.

"Buffy, we have to discuss what happened," Giles said gravely. Buffy felt everyone staring at her as if she had grown a second head.

"I'm still me," Buffy whispered. "Guys, it's _fine_."

She wasn't lying. Adrenaline on acid was coursing through her veins and while all the information she had heard needed to be discussed, the overwhelming urge to fight was blinding her. Everything she felt was magnified as it took on a simpler more primal reasoning. She had been semi-aware of what had happened as she woke up from her vision. While her demon was confused at first, Buffy allowed it to access her memories to understand where it was. It was recognized Spike and Faith as loyal formidable allies and while Buffy was embarrassed she was glad it wouldn't hurt her friends.

"We know that," Spike said and Dawn came to stand next to both of them when he approached her. Buffy wanted to explain how it felt but the words weren't coming. She didn't _feel_ invaded, just like something was simmering inside of her. And if she tapped into it-the _power-_ it was breathtaking. She saw Giles scowling and was about to fill him in despite her desire to patrol when she felt Willow's eyes on her as well.

Red hot anger seared throughout her body. She didn't trust Willow right now and wasn't sure how much she wanted her to know. That was the logical response but even as Buffy tried to focus on that, Willow was causing Buffy to react very badly to her presence.

Spike felt Buffy tense next to her and drop her shoulders. Faith noticed too and squeezed Buffy's waist in an attempt to calm her down. This was all Willow's fault and now that Buffy knew how dire the consequences were, there was no way she could forget that. Buffy scrambled to think of something else but before she could help it a low growl started in her chest. It wasn't just the demon, it was her too.

Faith gave Giles a stern look. "C'mon, Dad, can she come out and play?"

Buffy's eyes were not leaving Willow's who was starting to realize she was the cause of Buffy's feral reaction. Willow gasped when they started to switch the emerald color again. Oz stood in front of her protectively.

Giles saw the tense standoff between the former friends. "Of course but we will discuss this later. Oz get Willow to bed please."

Before anyone knew what happened, Buffy had leapt out the open window in a mewling blur. Spike immediately went to go after her but Faith held him back. "I got this. Stay here with Dawn."

But Dawn was already glaring at Willow, who was being escorted out by Oz. Giles looked beyond worried and Dawn bit her lip nervously as she looked at the window Buffy had just leapt out of. Spike sensed her mood immediately. "It's fine, Bit," he said calmly. "She's just a bit overwhelmed right now."

He gave her a reassuring smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

* * *

Faith didn't have to search for Buffy long. She followed the sound of cracking and crumbling gravestones and animalistic growls. She knew Buffy had to have heard her approach but yet she continued to punch the living daylights of the stone. Faith gasped when her bloodied and torn knuckles healed almost immediately after.

"Holy shit, B," Faith said.

Buffy stepped away from the now demolished headstone. She gave Faith a warning growl-not to threaten her but to communicate that she wanted to left alone. The noise must have attracted some newborns because three or four of them started to approach them. Buffy had detected them first and her nose sniffed the night air before she smiled. Faith almost laughed and sat on one of the headstones still intact. Buffy gave her a grateful nod. The newborns were easy to take out. They always were.

Faith was mesmerized by how fast Buffy was almost beautiful the way she fought and once they were dust Buffy appeared to be calmer.

"So what happened back there?" Faith asked.

A dark look crossed Buffy's face. "Willow let the First in," she practically growled. "Because the First is here, the Slayer line is disrupted. Oh! And I watched the first Slayer pretty much get raped with the Shadow demon. And it was either stand back and watch my friends die or go all Super Girl."

Faith was still a bit confused. "What did you do?"

Buffy sighed. "My demon died when I died. That's what gives us our physical strength as Slayers. So I got a new brand new spankin' one. You know the Slayer visions are more vague and cryptic than helpful."

"Ok," Faith nodded figuring there was more.

Buffy kicked the ground. "I can't go back to Heaven. They told me that my soul was anchored which means it can't leave this realm. I think that's why. That and I can't die. Not that it was all pleasant the first two times."

"I'm sorry."

The words were sincere and Buffy blinked away tears. "They told me that I need Willow to go up against the First. And all I want is to...I almost killed her back there if I hadn't left!"

"Well she is leaving tomorrow," Faith offered. "You don't have to forgive her."

Buffy almost sighed in relief. "Am I a horrible person that I really needed someone to tell me that?"

"Yes. The _absolute _worst," Faith joked.

"I've been hiding in my room since I got back-until we went to get you. Everything felt so different and...it was like I was underwater looking up at everyone. Just _drowning_."

"And does that make you feel better?"

"Not that much," Buffy answered honestly. "But I can protect Dawn now. I can hit something to make myself feel a little better. I guess the rest comes with time, which I have a lot of now."

"Ok, if you're good. I'm good."

"Sineya, the first Slayer, she said the Shadow demon-the _thing _that made us Slayers destroyed her soul," Buffy said looking at Faith from under her lashes. "I think that you're trying to not get destroyed too and I can respect that. I can forgive you."

"I figured that when you licked me," Faith half-joked. "B, I'm going to keep it real with you since you seem to be feeling all buddy buddy right now. But you need to promise to not like...mawl me or sexually violate me in anyway."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Faith, I did not _violate_ you."

"Your taste in men is horrible. I mean, I'm cool with Angel now but that whole I'm just gonna kinda stalk you and make puppy eyes at you because if I actually fuck you I'll kill people thing? How could have ever been appealing to you? And Riley was a complete pussy. He was like...waiting to turn into a real boy. We're Slayers and we deserve better."

Buffy didn't seem too offended. She crossed her arms and regarded Faith curiously. "Continue."

"And these stupid instincts you have are telling you that Spike isn't a good idea for some reason. But they're wrong. You are _wrong_ and your demon even agrees since it almost dry humped him."

"Ok, I might mawl you now," Buffy warned. "I thought we discussed that boy talk wasn't an option."

"Trust me, B. This is a mandatory lecture someone needed to give you. Stop being stupid."

Before Buffy would respond, her head cocked to the side and her nostrils flared. Faith could see the anticipation making Buffy's stance coil and an almost blissful smile wisp over her face. Faith hopped off the headstone, wiping her hands off of her pants. "Can you at least save some for me this time?" she teased Buffy.

"Not going to make any promises."


	13. Vampire Babies

**A/N: Some Spuffy for you guys. Last chapter is getting split into two parts as it is longer than I thought it would be. We're almost at the end :)**

**Chapter 13: Vampire Babies**

Buffy and Faith came home to find Spike and Dawn watching cartoons. Buffy immediately gave them a disapproving glare. "Dawn, you should be sleeping."

"Can't sleep," she replied without tearing her eyes away from the TV.

Spike met Buffy's eyes apologetically. "Lil Bit couldn't sleep and watching cartoons usually gets her right to bed."

She could tell Spike was worried about Dawn and went to approach her sister. "Dawnie, are you OK?"

Dawn turned to her with red and tired eyes. Buffy suddenly had an armful of little sister clasping her tightly. She closed her guiltily. A lot of things had happened tonight and she had almost forgotten about Tara. Of course Dawn wasn't OK.

"I miss her," Dawn whispered into her chest. Buffy kissed her forehead when Dawn pulled away. "At least you'll always be here now."

Buffy have Dawn one last squeeze to comfort her but Dawn yelped in surprised pain. "Sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed. Faith laughed behind her and patted Buffy on the back.

"Us normal people don't have super strength, B. Let's not squeeze us all to death OK?" she teased. "C'mon, Dawn, let's get some sleep. As in, I'm crashing in your room tonight because of the basement kind of smells."

Dawn sighed. "Fine but this isn't jail. Touch me and I'll hurt you."

Faith barked in laughter. "Jail rape joke? Dark. I approve. Besides Buffy needs to talk to Spike about something."

They both went upstairs and Buffy swore they shared a knowing look about leaving the two alone. She rolled her eyes and couldn't help the nerves that crept up when she felt Spike's eyes on her. "Is it just me or are people actually starting to like Faith?"

"We're all just following your lead, love. You two seem to be chummy and I think Dawn likes having someone else around. Especially one who doesn't talk to her like a child."

"She is a child," Buffy retorted defensively.

Spike scowled. "She's dealt with the death of her mother, her sister, and Tara in less than a year. Sometimes she's even taken care of me. Not something I'm proud of. She's tougher than you think."

Buffy flopped on the couch next to him and on instinct leaned on his shoulder. He crinkled his nose. "You smell different."

"Gee, you sure know how to charm a girl."

She sat up and gave him a solemn look. "Spike, I need you. For what's coming."

He looked confused. "I'm here. I've been here."

Buffy played with her hands, feeling beyond guilty for bringing this up. "You're different. And brunette."

His eyes narrowed. "What's your point?"

"I need dangerous Spike."

"You don't know what you're asking for."

"You're holding back-"

"My _demon_," he completed defensively.

"Mine is bigger."

Spike averted his eyes. "Angel sent me to a coven. He was in Sri Lanka all broody and he warned me it wouldn't be easy to just get a soul. Or having one. At first it was physical trials...torture...fighting some ugly bumpy things. Then I saw everyone I killed- every woman and child and man. And each of them killed me the way I killed them. I died thousands of deaths, Buffy. So, _no_, I'm not relishing the fight the way I used to."

Buffy held his hand and cradled his haunted face with her other hand. "I miss you. I know I've had my head up my ass since I got back but I've seen how quiet you are. You haven't been sexually inappropriate once," she tried to joke. Spike smirked and leaned into her touch. "You stayed and took care of Dawn. You took care of _me_."

"Would you have loved me if I didn't have a soul?" he asked softly.

"I told you why I was such a bitch to you before I died already-"

"I mean now?"

"If you didn't have a soul, would you have stayed to watch over Dawn? Done anything differently? Would you have been making me sleep alone at night? Spike, would you still love _me_?"

His eyes blazed with intensity. "Yes."

"So then what difference does your soul mean to me?"

He cocked his head to the side, his blue eyes gleaming as he absorbed what she was saying. "You see me."

"I feel responsible for your pain," she confessed tearfully. "You've been punishing yourself because of me and what you think I want from you. And since I've been back, I've been treating you like a dirty secret, which was so wrong of me. I just keep mistreating this thing we have and it makes me feel like I'm not good for you."

Spike looked almost angry. "You listen to me very carefully, Slayer. I hate what _I've_ done. I've tried to kill you and your mates on numerous occasions. You'd be daft to trust me unconditionally at first. No surprise you weren't falling at my feet when I told you that I had feelings for you. Did a lot for you, love, and I'll do a hell of alot more if you let me. A soul was important to you and without it, you may have loved me but you wouldn't have felt right about it. I been in a bit of a fog lately and walking on eggshells around ya. Thought it was what you wanted."

"No, I just want you."

Spike smirked. "But you hate the hair."

Buffy twisted her lips and laughed. "I don't _dislike_ it."

"My natural color, love."

"Well I figured that. Thanks for clearing up that unanswered question. Don't you want to know what happened when I passed out? You haven't asked."

"Still trying to wrap my head around the 'you want me' part," he whispered.

"I do," she said and the corners of her mouth curved into a predatory smile. She moved closer to him. "My demon doesn't mind you either apparently."

"A right horny demon you have, Slayer," he teased. "Who wanted my chiseled body."

He wiggled his eyebrows and Buffy rolled her eyes but didn't deny it. A dangerous spark was in his now darkened eyes as they dropped to her lips. "Lose the boring hair and maybe we'll talk."

"You already said you want me. Can't take it back now. You want our fat vampire babies. Heard you say it, love."

"You know blonde Spike would have kissed me by now."

"If I kiss you, this is it. You aren't getting rid of me," he warned.

Buffy stood up and Spike almost panicked thinking she was going away. Instead she leaned forward, placing her hands on the couch behind him as she barely brushed her lips over his. "Spike," she whispered. "Stop holding back."

Spike growled deep in his chest, his hands gripped her hips and roughly made her straddle him. Buffy was faster than him though and flipped them over so that she was laying on top of him on the couch. Spike couldn't help but rub himself against her, causing Buffy to gasp and sit up to straddle him from this position. He run his tongue over his lips and gave her a signature cocky Spike expression.

"I like my girl on top."

Buffy's eyes softened and she kissed Spike slowly. She didn't have the words yet, that she knew. But she was overwhelmed with a desire to show him that one day she would. Spike sensed her change of mood and pulled back her hair that was covering their faces almost reverently. He almost cried out when she stopped kissing him. He barely contained a contented purr as her fingers intertwined with his. He kissed her lips one more time before she leaned his forehead against his.

This was partly because she was still having some problems keeping her emotions under control. She had thought it was just anger but having her more basic emotions magnified was definitely a side effect of taking the Sultana demon. Spike tried to hide his knowing smile.

Buffy pulled away from him as she tried to focus. "This is," she began but instead took deep breaths. "My urges are very strong,"

She seemed to have calmed down a bit when they weren't touching and when she looked at him she was trying to hide her embarrassment. While Spike was amused by her obviously overwhelming need to take him on the couch. "It's OK," he said. "Let's just head upstairs. You had a long day."

"I don't think I sleep anymore. I'm not tired at all," Buffy whispered.

"You might just be nocturnal like me," he concluded. "Most demons are."

His response made Buffy think of all the things they could do besides sleep at night and her blush grew deeper. "I think I need to kill something," she groaned."Preferably something stronger than a newborn."

Spike's eyes lit up. "As much as I would prefer you having your way with with me, we could spar in the basement if you'd like. It's almost dawn so I can't go patrolling with you. Maybe you can tell me what the hell happened while you were passed out earlier."

"I'm in."

Spike seemed happy that Buffy seemed excited. "Why you are smiling like that?"

"I'm going to kick your ass, that's why."


	14. We Save The World Again

**A/N: Forgive my own take on the Sultana and what is disrupting the Slayer line etc. To summarize the Slayer line situation which is explored more in the sequel: The Slayer is a direct result of whatever evil is out there. Buffy could be the end of the line because if the First is defeated, the evil part of the scale goes to normal BUT Buffy is still all Super Slayer so the line will end once Faith and the third Slayer die. I hope that explains it a little more. Last chapter is split up into two parts for length. I'll post the other half on Friday...maybe earlier if I get some more reviews.**

* * *

**Chapter 14A: We Save the World... Again**

When Buffy emerged from the basement earlier that morning, Giles was sitting in the kitchen as a pot of coffee was brewing. He did not look happy nor did he bother with pleasantries. "We need to talk."

Buffy and Spike had discovered a couple things last night. She had finally managed to control her urges and Spike had walked her through how to tolerate her enhanced senses. While Spike had been reluctant to cause her too much harm, Buffy used a small knife to cut her arm to find that she would heal very quickly. Almost instantly depending on how severe the cut was. Spike had determined that her blood smelled different and was surprised when Buffy offered him the knife a small smear of her blood on it.

Buffy hopped up on the kitchen island. "I know. I just couldn't stay in that room any longer. But cliff notes version? Willow's spell weakened the boundaries between all realms and anchored my soul in this one so I can't leave again. The First is now here and looking to make a move. The Slayer line is all haywire because of the balance being thrown off. And despite the fact that Willow has almost killed you and Dawn and actually killed Tara, she's so powerful that we need her against the First. So we can't bind her powers. We need her stronger because the First wants to wear our spines like cute little Sunday church hats. I couldn't do _nothing_ and those were the only options; absolutely nothing or take the Sultana. I need to stop the First and Willow if I have to."

"She is stronger than I thought," Giles said sadly. "I admit in the light of Tara's passing I was reluctant to bind her powers. I pity her."

"Well stop," Buffy said darkly.

Giles realized he was getting into murky waters with the Willow subject. "What do you know about the Sultana demon, Buffy?"

"Enough," Buffy retorted defensively. Once she saw he wasn't judging her decision, she softened her tone. "I guess not very much."

"They are a pack demon and the alphas are females. The Alphas claim their pack members and are fiercely protective of them. They are more animal than human really. It is believed they were trapped by other envious immortal demons."

"Ok, so that explains why she's not trying to kill you guys. My emotions have been um...intense. Like last night with Willow," Buffy offered without going into too many details.

"I'd assume though. They are ancient, primal, and instinctual creatures."

"I'm crazy fast and strong. I don't need to sleep, I think. I heal myself and my blood can heal others. Spike licked some blood off a knife last night when we were sparring and all the bruises he had from me thoroughly kicking his ass healed."

Giles appeared thoughtful for a moment. "We must keep this from the Council. I've been out of the loop since your death. It was my belief that Faith was enough to hold the line but still another Slayer was called. They were always very secretive and I fear they will try to use you to their advantage if they found out about you."

Buffy bristled. "I agree. What do you know about Potentials? And why do I know so little about Slayers?

Giles took a deep breath. "As a Watcher, we must train the Slayer, discourage distractions, and keep your own distance from your charge. Within 48 hours of meeting you, Xander and Willow already knew who you were. I disrupted your Cruciamentum and before that the Council had been displeased with both of us for quite some time. However, they didn't believe that you would be alive long."

"Well that's a vote of confidence."

"Buffy, they prefer orphans or children lost in the foster system. For the simple reason most do not survive the first month and an even smaller amount survive the Cruciamentum. It remains a mystery how Potentials are vetted and even more how a Slayer is chosen. If I had the answer I would provide it for you."

"Giles, I don't really give a damn what your job description said you are the best watcher I could have asked for."

Giles smiled for a moment. "Thank you but we all have our shortcomings."

"It wasn't your fault I ran away after I killed Angel. I left because-"

And Buffy couldn't find the words suddenly. It still hurt sometimes to think about certain aspects of her life. But she could tell that despite her telling him that, he still carried that weight with him.

"After what happened at Emery, I was devastated. Merrick was dead and I had barely survived Lothos. One night it was just too much so I told my parents. And they sent me away."

"Sent you where?" Giles asked gently.

"To a mental asylum. Crazy house. The place where straight jackets are the outfit of choice. I thought that my mom would send me back when though she had seen a vampire. It was irrational, I know. She had told me to leave and I thought she thought I was _dangerous_ again. And I had handled the Angel situation badly, I'll admit. I let everyone down and I was being so selfish."

"Dear Lord," Giles whispered. "I didn't know." She was silent and he frowned at the faraway look on her face. "I'll return as soon as I can," he promised. "I'm still quite concerned about you."

"Why?"

"You aren't happy."

Buffy laughed. "Am I supposed to be?"

Before he had arrived back in Sunnydale we had received accounts from Dawn, Spike, and Xander about their growing concern over her behavior or lack of it. To be honest he didn't see anything too alarming when he had arrived but the haunted look in her eyes right now was. It was gone almost as soon as it had flashed in her eyes. Before he could say more, Xander came in.

"Is Willow ready yet?" he asked.

"Not yet," Giles replied. "Oz had been keeping her calm. I don't think she's packed yet."

"Did you bind her powers this morning?"

"A lot happened last night, Xander. I'll fill you in while Buffy checks on Willow."

She gave him an annoyed look. "Are you kidding me? Unless you want me to pack for her. Very very quickly."

Her response seemed to upset Xander. "At least say goodbye."

"Saying goodbye wouldn't kill anyone," Giles agreed. To which Buffy almost laughed. "We need her. Your words, not mine. Perhaps distancing yourself and pushing her away isn't the best course of action."

He gave her a pointed look.

"I'll do what I have to do," she agreed.

* * *

Willow had been packing for the last three hours. Tara's clothes were still mixed in with hers and it was devastated every time she came across one. But it solidified why she needed to do this because there was no excuse for killing Tara. It also kept her from telling anyone about her encounter with the First. She wasn't sure if it was just toying with her or telling her things that were true. At the same time it seemed counter productive to keep it from Buffy who barely trusted her now. She felt Oz staring at her as she patted her shirt into the suitcase, her hands shaking.

He hadn't touched anything except for when she would gently give him Tara's clothing. He would fold it up into a pile neatly as if he understood everything she was feeling. Willow wasn't sure what she'd do without him here. A soft knock at the door startled her.

"Come in," Oz said.

When they saw Buffy, Oz looked hesitant and Willow looked surprised. "It's fine," Buffy promised. "I'll behave."

Willow gave him a small nod and he left the room. Buffy sat on the bed as Willow held her breath in anticipation. She still wasn't sure where they stood right now. Buffy did feel like she wouldn't attack Willow but now that Giles had explained a bit more about the Sultana demon, it was helping her calm the urge to tear Willow's head off. Willow had hurt members of their pack but Buffy tried to project that she was important to the overall survival of their family.

"I need you as an ally," Buffy said. "I saw the first Slayer and Tara. The First is coming."

Willow's eyes lit up. "You saw Tara?"

"She told me you can pull through this," Buffy half-lied. "Magic is a part of you. I see that now but I need you to use it for good. The coven will help you and Oz will stay with you. I need Giles here and you can take all the time you need to come back. Until I call upon you, then you_ will_ come back."

In Buffy's mind she was being calm, but she couldn't help her clipped sentences and short tone. This was the nature of their relationship now and she could hear the coldness in her voice but the warmth just wasn't there to provide.

"Of course," Willow vowed.

"I won't watch the First hurt my family. But I won't let you either," Buffy stated in a thinly veiled threat.

Willow met Buffy's steely eyes. "I get it," she whispered. "Can you forgive me?"

Buffy took a deep breath and bit her tongue. "Maybe one day," she lied. She felt a small sense of relief when Willow seemed to appreciate that small piece of false hope. She seemed to relax a little bit.

"Is it really that bad being here?" Willow asked pitifully.

"The point is that you took that choice away from me. All of this is happening because of you. It's _how_ you brought me back. The risks you knew you were taking. You want people to respect you as a witch, that's fine. But don't play dumb. Tell me you weren't knowingly playing with realm barriers and trapping my soul here. I dare you."

"I knew," she replied honestly. "Tara found out and begged me to find another way. So I erased it from her memory and then sit a deer's throat the same day."

Buffy was impressed by her candid shameful response. "And if I had come back wrong?" she pressed.

Willow averted her eyes. "I'm not sure."

She blinked away tears. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

Buffy mourned their friendship for a brief moment as Willow looked at her expectantly. But she had nothing to offer Willow right now.

"I know you're sorry," she said sincerely. "But it's not enough right now. For now, we need to be amazing. You need to the the witch that can take down the First and I'll be Super Slayer. And we'll save the world...again."

Willow nodded. Buffy tried to swallow her feelings down. She still was unsure if Willow was an enemy for not but the reality stood that they were two of the most powerful beings in the supernatural world. It was either be on the same side or go against each other.

"Damn, B," Faith said from the doorway. "That was a rousing speech."

"Eavesdrop much?"

"The door was open and this is my room now."

"I am coming back you know," Willow protested.

"We can share," Faith teased and winked at the red head. Willow blushed. "Sorry, I've been in jail way too fucking long."

Buffy was glad for the excuse to exit the room and stood up. "Good luck, Willow. I'll be downstairs."

Before Willow would respond, Buffy was out of the room and had closed the door behind her. Faith gave her a knowing look. "That was biggest load of bullshit I ever heard back there."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion."

"I thought you'd be more personable if you actually got laid."

Buffy just headed for the stairs but Faith called out to her. "This is bad isn't it?"

Buffy stopped. "Yes but I have no idea when. Or how."

"So we just _wait_?" Faith asked in frustration.

"We prepare as much as we can," Buffy replied stonily.

"Sounds like we're sitting ducks."

"I get you want some kind of game plan here-"

"I get why you aren't binding her powers. But you're manipulating her and using her and when she figures that out, she'll turn on us."

Buffy turned to face her and did look a bit guilty. "I want to trust her. Or forgive her. I do."

"And if she slips up?"

Buffy gave her a steely but murky stare. "I kill her. But right now all we got is her, me, and you. That's two Slayers, a crazy powerful witch, and do you know where that leaves us? We _might_ stand a _chance_. Just a chance. This isn't a demon or a God. This is the thing that created those things."

"This isn't as inspiring as Willow's speech-" Faith began to joke.

"I'm not trying to inspire you. I'm trying to scare the crap out of you. I'm scared. So yes, this is _bad_."

"I'm not trying to piss you off, OK?" Faith conceded. "We're a team. We're all players here. You hated being the one who makes the tough decisions so it all falls on you. It doesn't have to this time."

The two Slayers stared each other down for a moment. Buffy finally looked away and sighed. "You're right."

"So we protect each other. We _all _do and we make plans together blah blah blah. Stop being so melodramatic all the damn time. Life isn't that bad."

Buffy scowled. "I hate you."

"Probably why we weren't meant to co-exist at the same time."

"There was once a time when I was the only Slayer," Buffy mused wistfully.

Faith shrugged. "Must have been boring."


	15. You'll Choke On Me

**Last chapter everyone! I plan to post the sequel very soon and I will put an A/N up on this one so those who have alerts will be aware of when it has been posted. Maybe if I get a whole bunch of reviews I'll post the sequel up say much sooner. Not that I'm bribing you or anything. **

**So I'm going to give you guys some things to get excited about for the sequel because it's even more of my baby then Favors so I want to let you guys to read it so very badly. First off, the third Slayer comes to Sunnydale. Faith gets to be a hero a lot more and embrace her Slayer legacy. Dawn becomes really bad ass. Some very fun things will happen to Willow (evil laugh) and we will see a much more evil First who has almost has a personal vendetta against Buffy. Alot of familiar faces-Wood, Caleb, Kennedy. But for now you'll have to settle for this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 14B: You'll Choke On Me**

Once night had fallen, Buffy had insisted on patrolling alone. There was only so much she could take and Angel was coming to bring Faith the documents needed so she could begin a new life in Sunnydale. Willow, Giles, and Oz had left in a somewhat bittersweet goodbye. It was hard to watch Xander bid farewell to Willow. Anya who usually had a sarcastic remark to provide was quiet and mostly held Xander's hand the whole time. Not that Buffy ever disliked Anya but watching her stand by Xander like that solidified that Xander had managed to find a good match for him.

She froze when she felt someone following her and growled in frustration. "This whole lurking thing isn't as cute as it used to be," she called out.

Angel stepped out behind the bushes, looking slightly embarrassed. "I didn't come here to fight with you."

"That would be a very wise decision."

"Look, I didn't know that the potion-"

Buffy held up a hand to stop him. She gave him an understanding half smile. "I know. Had some serious side effects though, that's for sure. You been by the house?"

"Yes. You weren't there."

"I was all with the being...elsewhere. It's just been a long day and dealing with my ex-boyfriend seemed like cruel punishment."

"Am I that awful?"

"I'm with Spike now."

He looked a bit hurt but seemed to accept this. "I know. Faith told me. I can't say that I'm thrilled but I don't really have a good reason why you shouldn't be with him."

Buffy seemed surprised. "You're taking this better than I thought you would. You did beat up my last boyfriend."

He scrunched his face in a show of disapproval. "Well I didn't like Riley."

"And you like Spike?" she asked incredulously.

"Spike and I have spent many many years together. Too many. If I hated him I would have staked him a long time ago."

Buffy smirked. "So... You like him."

"I like you happy," he clarified. "Besides you have all the time to change your mind."

"Yeah I guess the three of us are stuck with each other now. Forever destined to have awkward encounters," Buffy teased.

"Immortality is difficult," he said seriously. "You grow cold. The people you love and grow attached to eventually die. Sometimes they resent you even."

"I'll be fine," Buffy whispered.

"Not the first time," he said sadly. "But you'll get used to it. One day you'll understand how difficult it was to care about you, Buffy. To love someone when it's evitable that you'll lose them."

"Is that why you left?"

The dull ache she felt when she remembered him telling her he was going to Los Angeles resurfaced. "Partly."

"And the rest?"

"Do you wish I hadn't?"

His eyes met hers for an intense second before Buffy looked away. "I don't know. Maybe it was for the best in the long run. I just wish it hadn't hurt so much," she answered honestly.

Angel shuffled his feet awkwardly. "I should get going. I'm here if you need anything."

Buffy decided that was enough conversation for the night and watched him leave. She started to head back home herself as Angel's words haunted her. What would she do when everyone looked older then her? Would she have to Dawn's little sister for appearances? She pushed those thoughts away for now but a sadness came over her when she realized that one day she would have to deal with them. She began to run and allowed herself to use her full speed. She opened up all of her senses so her own doubts were drowned out by everything else. The chaos was calming in a way. She found herself at her front porch and tuned everything down.

She was starting to notice little things that disturbed her. She was less human then before. While she did still breathe with her lungs, she was never out of breath. Like now, when she should be. The lack of a need of sleep was confusing too. After Willow had left she had tried to close her eyes, she had eventually forced herself to take small nap. But it more for the peace and quiet and she still remained semi-alert as if to see or feel anyone coming into the room.

Buffy entered the house to find Spike and Faith in the kitchen. Spike was warming up some blood in a mug while Faith was going through her new documents. She saw Buffy and shoved her license in her face.

"Did you see this?" she practically growled.

Buffy laughed. "Was this Angel's idea of a joke?"

Spike snorted. "Angel was never much for the slapstick humor."

Buffy thumbed through Faith's new birth certificate, high school diploma, and social security card. "It's really not that bad, Faith. You are a wanted fugitive. Besides Faith is still your middle name so we can keep calling you that."

"You realize if you ever call me by my first name I'll kill you right?" Faith threatened. "By the way Xander is on his way over with some news. Hell if I know what that means."

Spike sipped his blood and placed it on the counter. "Seemed pretty torn up about Red leaving."

Buffy frowned. "I know."

Faith grabbed her papers and headed upstairs. "This stays between us! Faith is the only option, got it?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. Spike started to follow Faith. "Where are you going?"

They both looked guilty for moment. "I'm doing you both a huge favor."

Buffy looked to Spike to tell her what was going on and he just smirked at her. "She volunteered to dye my hair, love."

Faith winked at Buffy from behind him. Xander was calling out Buffy's name from the front so she gave them a dismissive wave and headed towards him. She wasn't sure how this conversation would go. They clearly had two different feelings about Willow. Buffy missed Xander. They hadn't been able to really talk since she got back. Spike said Xander wasn't around as much because he was working or helping Anya at the Magic Box.

"Hey," she greeted him. He gave her a half smile and Buffy knew-it was all over his face. He was disappointed in her and while she wanted to be mad at him, she couldn't bring herself to. "Let's talk."

Xander just nodded and sat in the loveseat in the living room. Buffy stood, crossing her arms, and biting her lip nervously. He hung his head and covered his face with his hands before releasing a frustrating sigh.

"I don't want it to be like this," he choked out.

Buffy blinked away tears. "I know."

"I knew Willow wasn't OK and I didn't want to see it. _Really _see it."

"Of course you didn't want to," Buffy emphasized.

"I'm postponing my wedding. She's my best man and I _can't_ get married without...a best man. I miss her, Buffy. I just got you back and now...she's gone. Tara's dead."

Buffy didn't know what to say to make him feel better. She sat on the couch across the couch from him. "We've been lucky. We've survived. I know it might not seem like enough right now but I'm still here. I think you need to get away from all of this before your luck runs out."

"You're kidding right?"

"It's not that I don't think you're capable. You've saved my life more times then I can count. But you have a chance to have a slightly normal life. You have a fiancee and one day you'll want kids. Willow is out of your hands and deep down you know that. I'm not saying you should leave-"

"What _are_ you saying?"

Buffy looked at the ceiling. She felt the tears coming and she knew if she said the words it would make everything she was feeling all too real. "I'm going to live forever and do you know what I want more then anything for you? What I would have liked to see for Willow?"

Xander reached out, taken aback by her emotional reaction. "Buffy-"

"I want for you to die when you're old with a bunch of grandchildren. And you'll tell like...old man stories about that time we killed that demon. And we blew up a high school...and..." her voice trailed off as she tried to compose herself.

"Old man farts? I heard those are something to look forward to."

Buffy wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "You deserve old man farts."

"So you want me to not fight?"

"I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking honestly."

Xander smiled. "You don't need protecting anymore."

Buffy laughed. "Oh, is that what you were doing?"

"Yes," he answered seriously. "Losing you felt like...there's no words for what that felt like."

"I don't want to know what that felt like," Buffy admitted. "There will be a time where I'm going to tell you to get the hell out of the way. And I don't want any arguments. I just need you to leave. Can you promise me?"

Her gaze was intense and Xander saw how serious she was. And how afraid she was. "Yes, I promise. Buffy, where is this coming from? Because of the First?"

"No," she replied. "I saw-"

Then she stopped and her lips pressed into a tight line. "Saw what?"

"Nothing. Forget it."

He didn't want to push it so he dropped it. "Heard Angel dropped by. How'd that go?"

She shrugged. "I think we've reached some kind of non-angsty agreement."

"Ahh, the best kind," he teased, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

A very terrified unmasculine yelp came from upstairs followed by, "You stupid bint! Are you trying to blind me?"

Xander raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "What's going on up there?"

"She's dying his hair back."

"And you've been keeping me down here?" and he was off to the bathroom upstairs.

"No!" Spike screamed. "Get Xander out of here. I don't need a bloody audience! I will cut out your eyes and feed them to you if you don't stop laughing!"

* * *

Not a single one of them slept soundly that night. Buffy was sitting cross legged on the bed while Spike was fidgeting with his hair. "I need a bloody mirror," he growled. "I'm just supposed to trust Faith that it looks fine. For all I know she dyed it pink and you're all getting a good laugh at me."

When Buffy didn't reply, he saw her eyes glazed over with a faraway look on her face. He knew they both had a ways to go before their personal demons were conquered but he hated to see her like this. He reached out to touch her shoulder and her eyes looked up at him standing over her. She moved her hair behind her ear and shifted so her legs were tucked under her. Embarrassed, she looked away from him.

"Don't have to do that. Don't have to pretend with me," he whispered.

"I saw something right before I woke up from my vision. Something I haven't told anyone about. I'm not sure if I should," she confessed.

Spike sat next to her, giving her all of his attention. "What did you see?"

She closed her eyes tightly, almost as if she was trying to rid herself of the image. Burn it from her memory in such a way that it wouldn't haunt her. Instead it replayed itself and she tried to describe to him how feral they were. How their talon-like nails slashed in the air in frustration from being entrapped. How their faces were what nightmares were made of. Their eyes were void of any emotion except hunger and their mouths were filled with the sharpest teeth.

"There were thousands of them. Waiting."

"Waiting for what?" he pressed.

"To get out."

She knew Spike wouldn't understand. He hadn't seen what she had seen. The First mocking her, taking her form, standing on a high ledge to observe these beasts. It was delighted, smiling in anticipation, but with a sense of pride as if it were looking its own children.

Spike used his index finger to lift her chin up so his eyes met hers fully. She shook him off and excused herself mumbling something about going to the basement to train. As she went downstairs in her full speed, she remembered what Sineya had whispered in her ear before the vision had ended.

In an explosion of frustration, she slammed her fist into the punching bag. She didn't bother to hold back and the bag went flying off of its hinges, leaving a dent in the wall. It made her feel slightly better and she released a breath she wasn't even holding. A quiet and slow hand clap behind her sent chills up her spine. Especially when she turned around to find herself looking at another Buffy.

"I'm impressed."

"Get out of my house," Buffy ordered through clenched teeth. Her eyes flashed green and she was having a problem controlling her anger and bloodlust as the Sultana reacted strongly to the threat in front of them.

"That's rude," the First laughed. "I thought we could chat."

"I'm not interested."

"Do you have any idea what I have planned for you?" it sneered. "Now that I finally can. Thanks to that dumb witch of yours."

"I said to get out," Buffy mostly growled.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I needed more time to really set things in motion but you ruined that for me. Now you know that I'm here and they gave you all this nifty powers. It's so _cute_."

"Have you come to taunt me to death?" Buffy asked. "Is this your master plan?"

"Too soon for me to tell you that.I like to play with my food first."

"You'll choke on me," Buffy promised.

The First narrowed its eyes and a horrible grin spread against its face using Buffy's mouth. "You've seen my army. And I've seen yours. You realize you can't win this. That's why you won't tell them what they are really up against. When I'm done with you, you'll pray for death."

The threat was cold and grave but Buffy remained defiant and didn't let on how shaken she was becoming by the omniscient presence before her. The First stepped closer to her but Buffy didn't back down and she met her mirroring gaze stonily. "Sineya tried to warn you," it whispered.

Buffy couldn't help but falter a bit. She remembered Sineya crouched above her, her dirty finger pointing downwards. "From beneath you, it devours."

The First clicked its tongue, amused. "No," it said slowly as mirth darkly danced behind its eyes. "Not _it_. _Me_."


	16. Sequel Up!

**Retribution is up! I'm playing some catch-up on typing the new chapters up because they are mostly written down but next Monday I should have Chapter one up. Enjoy! The easiest way to do it is probably go to my profile and click on the link there if it is not easily visible in the forum. **


End file.
